Knucklehead PS writer, tries again with new topic!

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AKenter
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:17 pm

Knucklehead PS writer, tries again with new topic!

Postby AKenter » Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:56 pm

Hello there. So, I have tried a couple of personal statements and they have not gone over so well. Here is my latest attempt. I greatly appreciate all criticism and comments. Thank you for taking the time to look at my work. :)

On a windswept and chilly November afternoon, I stood beside Paul, his client, and her husband at the top of the courthouse steps. The jury reached a favorable decision some minutes before and, after a year of paperwork, rehab, and worry, Paul’s client had been awarded damages and full compensation her medical expenses. As we prepared to part ways, she thanked Paul one more time and hugged him. There were tears in her eyes as she and her husband turned and walked away. I could tell that there was more to this surge of emotion than happiness for achieving a monetary award. Indeed, the money had nothing to do with it. Along with suffering debilitating physical injuries, she had also suffered the grave moral injury of being held partially responsible for the car accident. So, with victory in the courtroom, came the great and intangible remuneration of moral vindication. Paul, through his efforts, had been able to secure this for her. As he and I walked to the parking lot, he told me that it was on days like this one when he felt most proud to be a lawyer.

I studied philosophy as an undergraduate because I wanted to understand ethics. I could not help but subordinate my other interests to the study of moral philosophy as I was convinced that the great questions of how one should live and what constitutes the good life required answering if I was ever to live aright. After four years of study, the complete answer to this question remained elusive. Graduate study in philosophy, therefore, seemed the natural option for me and I intended to pursue it. However, as graduation neared, I slowly began to reconsider this path. I came to believe that studying the good life and trying to live it are two distinct endeavors and that was is the latter which I desired most. I abandoned my plans for further study in philosophy and, when graduation arrived, I was unsure what path I would take next.

Even before giving up my plan to pursue a graduate degree in philosophy, I had wanted to take some time off after my undergraduate studies in order to work and save for a four month trip to Europe. To this end, I began working for Paul at his small personal injury law firm as an assistant. I expected the work to be interesting but did not anticipate the dramatic the experience would have on me. While I was at the firm, Paul introduced me to nearly every aspect of his practice. I drafted letters to clients and opposing counsel, conducted an initial witness interview, and accompanied Paul to some of his trials. Over time I became acquainted with some of his clients and learned their cases by working on their case files. Though my contributions were only small, I found it gratifying to know that the work I was doing was helping wronged and injured people.

I began to see Paul’s work as a lawyer as deeply moral in character. Everyday, he endeavored to bring relief to the injured and just deserts to those who had done wrong. While there are likely many avenues which lead to the good life, I could not help but believe that Paul’s was certainly one of them. I greatly enjoyed working with Paul and the experience left me with a profound respect for the legal profession. I have come to see a career as a lawyer as the perfect path forward for me as it would allow me to live a life dedicated to the service of others and, thereby, to live a truly good life.

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NZA
Posts: 1285
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:01 pm

Re: Knucklehead PS writer, tries again with new topic!

Postby NZA » Sat Dec 11, 2010 9:00 pm

Were you the Italy essay person? :P I can't remember. If so, the newest attempt wasn't that bad, but let's take a look at this one!

AKenter wrote:Hello there. So, I have tried a couple of personal statements and they have not gone over so well. Here is my latest attempt. I greatly appreciate all criticism and comments. Thank you for taking the time to look at my work. :)

On a windswept and chilly November afternoon, I stood beside Paul, his client, and her husband at the top of the courthouse steps. The jury reached a favorable decision some minutes before and, after a year of paperwork, rehab, and worry, Paul’s client had been awarded damages and full compensation her medical expenses. As we prepared to part ways, she thanked Paul one more time and hugged him. There were tears in her eyes as she and her husband turned and walked away. I could tell that there was more to this surge of emotion than happiness for achieving a monetary award. Indeed, the money had nothing to do with it. Along with suffering debilitating physical injuries, she had also suffered the grave moral injury of being held partially responsible for the car accident. So, with victory in the courtroom, came the great and intangible remuneration of moral vindication. Paul, through his efforts, had been able to secure this for her. As he and I walked to the parking lot, he told me that it was on days like this one when he felt most proud to be a lawyer. Good start. Wouldn't change anything.

I studied philosophy nice as an undergraduate because I wanted to understand ethics. I could not help but subordinate my other interests to the study of moral philosophy as I was convinced that the great questions of how one should live and what constitutes the good life philosophy ftw required answering if I was ever to live aright. After four years of study, the complete answer to this question remained elusive. yup Graduate study in philosophy, therefore, seemed the natural option for me and I intended to pursue it. However, as graduation neared, I slowly began to reconsider this path. I came to believe that studying the good life and trying to live it are two distinct endeavors and that was is Do you mean, "...that it was... the latter which I desired most. I abandoned my plans for further study in philosophy and, when graduation arrived, I was unsure what path I would take next.

Even before giving up my plan to pursue a graduate degree in philosophy, I had wanted to take some time off after my undergraduate studies in order to work and save for a four month trip to Europe. IT WAS YOU! :D To this end, I began working for Paul at his small personal injury law firm as an assistant. I expected the work to be interesting but did not anticipate the dramatic effect? impact? the experience would have on me. While I was at the firm, Paul introduced me to nearly every aspect of his practice. I drafted letters to clients and opposing counsel, conducted an initial witness interview, and accompanied Paul to some of his trials. Over time I became acquainted with some of his clients and learned their cases by working on their case files. Though my contributions were only small, I found it gratifying to know that the work I was doing was helping wronged and injured people. cool

I began to see Paul’s work as a lawyer as deeply moral in character. Everyday, he endeavored to bring relief to the injured and just deserts Maybe it's just me, but I hate the phrase "just deserts," because I always think of cartoons for some reason...and chocolate. Consider using a different phrase, perhaps? Could go either way to those who had done wrong. While there are likely many avenues which lead to the good life, an activity of the soul in accord with virtue? I could not help but believe that Paul’s was certainly one of them. I greatly enjoyed working with Paul and the experience left me with a profound respect for the legal profession. I have come to see a career as a lawyer as the perfect path forward for me as it would allow me to live a life dedicated to the service of others and, thereby, to live a truly good life.


Good! I liked this essay a lot. Good content, compelling story, excellent content. I think this one might be the winner. ;)

AKenter
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:17 pm

Re: Knucklehead PS writer, tries again with new topic!

Postby AKenter » Sat Dec 11, 2010 10:07 pm

Thanks for the comments and I am glad you liked it! And to answer your question (an activity of the soul in accord with virtue?), yes. :) You must have been a philosophy major too, or at least be a fan of Aristotle.

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NZA
Posts: 1285
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:01 pm

Re: Knucklehead PS writer, tries again with new topic!

Postby NZA » Sun Dec 12, 2010 7:17 am

AKenter wrote:Thanks for the comments and I am glad you liked it! And to answer your question (an activity of the soul in accord with virtue?), yes. :) You must have been a philosophy major too, or at least be a fan of Aristotle.


:) Just a phil. major, more a fan of Heidegger. But I liked this essay a lot, I'd send this one.

AKenter
Posts: 40
Joined: Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:17 pm

Re: Knucklehead PS writer, tries again with new topic!

Postby AKenter » Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:25 pm

Do you think I need to clarify what I mean by the good life or do you think that it is OK as it stands?

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NZA
Posts: 1285
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 10:01 pm

Re: Knucklehead PS writer, tries again with new topic!

Postby NZA » Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:30 pm

AKenter wrote:Do you think I need to clarify what I mean by the good life or do you think that it is OK as it stands?


Leave it be. I think it's a common enough phrase that people will know what you're talking about. :) After all, trying to explain it would involve writing an entire discourse, which you don't have space for.




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