Please take a look... Forum

[Tullstone]

I found some errors. Thanks for looking.

[Tullstone]

I know this is a touchy topic, but please dont be afraid to criticize it. This is why I have posted it on the internet, where insensitivity lives!

[PinkCow]

I really like the first two paragraphs - not as crazy about the last 3. I didn't read very thoroughly, but the 3rd P had a few glaring usage errors that caught my eye (e.g., "escape were" doesn't agree, "graveyards...which" doesn't agree, etc.).

Overall, I think the subject is very compelling and you make it interesting. Your attempt to tie it in to the present and your legal goals is a good direction, but it's a little confusing and awkward at times. Maybe it's just me. I'd wait till others comment before taking my suggestions very heavily.

Bottom line - subject = like. First part = like. 2nd part = meh.

[Tullstone]

Thank you very much for the input. Ill take a look.

[Tullstone]

I really like the first two paragraphs - not as crazy about the last 3. I didn't read very thoroughly, but the 3rd P had a few glaring usage errors that caught my eye (e.g., "escape were" doesn't agree, "graveyards...which" doesn't agree, etc.).

Overall, I think the subject is very compelling and you make it interesting. Your attempt to tie it in to the present and your legal goals is a good direction, but it's a little confusing and awkward at times. Maybe it's just me. I'd wait till others comment before taking my suggestions very heavily.

Bottom line - subject = like. First part = like. 2nd part = meh.

Could you explain that sense of awkwardness? Like... unrealistic? Too overwhelming?

[PinkCow]

Honestly I'd have to take another look to explain. It didn't seem to flow as nicely as the first part and the connection you made between your grandfather and (I think) Serbian genocide was underdeveloped. I'd suggest leaving it up longer for others to comment.

[Tullstone]

Honestly I'd have to take another look to explain. It didn't seem to flow as nicely as the first part and the connection you made between your grandfather and (I think) Serbian genocide was underdeveloped. I'd suggest leaving it up longer for others to comment.

I will repost once I fix some issues.

Till then..