PS that I would like to send soon

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sgp_lycee
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:35 pm

PS that I would like to send soon

Postby sgp_lycee » Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:10 am

This is my PS, I feel that I have asked enough people that I know about content and punctuation that I think its time I post here.

Any and all crit is welcomed. I'm trying to keep at 2 pages for a couple of the schools I'm applying to. I'm not sure about the ending or really anything about it. Thanks!


I once had to ask myself what was more important: my job or my integrity. I would like to think that I could simply let go of any position that called for me to ignore falsified grades or the treatment of students. But when the actual question came, I had to ask myself, “Can I accept money from an institution that just wanted me to look the other way?”

For two years, I taught as a Social Studies teacher at XX, a small international school located in XX that is three hours south of XX. I taught forty students with a staff of eight co-teachers. As a teacher, I was an advocate of the students and I wanted them to receive the care and guidance they deserved.

In the Fall of 2009, XX hired a new vice-principal. Shortly after being hired, the vice-principal began displaying signs of racism, misogyny, homophobia and religious intolerance. His behavior towards students and faculty and questionable work ethic nearly decimated my school. As a person who had helped build the procedures and curriculum of XX, I felt responsible for its success and did not want to let anything destroy all the work the faculty and I had invested.

The year proved to be one of the most difficult of my life. Not because I had to work with a man who did not see me as being competent based on my age, gender and ethnicity, but because of the stress from not knowing if I wanted to risk losing a position I had invested so much time and effort in. I was also worried about my students and did not want to lose the bonds I had developed with them. I worked with the rest of the faculty to undercover the truth behind the vice-principal and it soon came to our attention that his resume was falsified. The proof of his forged resume and testimony from faculty concerning his behavior was given to the administration and was promptly ignored.

The faculty could not agree on what should be done. Going any farther with complaints could mean the end of our positions. But as teachers, we were obligated to do what was best for the students. Putting students in psychological harm was unacceptable and required immediate action. However, knowing when something is wrong and taking action to solve it are two different things, and it became difficult to gain unanimous support to push for the removal of the vice-principal. Other members of the faculty began to call for the revocation of USA accreditation from the Western Association of Schools and Colleges (WASC). While I was one of the teachers who had helped the school attain its initial accreditation, I became one who supported having it revoked. I knew that the school was not following guidelines with the current vice-principal at the helm. This included acts such as forging grades, belligerently berating students by calling them names and worse.

In the Spring of 2010, the faculty succeeded in removing the vice-principal from his post. Our success came at a price and our contracts were not renewed. Refusing to work for that type of person meant that I had to step away from my own wants and commit myself to the personal oath I took as a teacher. On my last day at XX, I watched my seniors walk across the stage to receive their diplomas. As their teacher I taught my students that regardless of the consequences, always speak the truth. I did not regret the actions that I or the faculty took to help the school, but I could not help the sadness and frustration I felt of losing my job. Mixed with these emotions was the hope for XX to recover and become a stable learning environment again.

Speaking the truth can simultaneously be the hardest and easiest act to do. People think they will be able to do what is right but in the end they do not because of the repercussions. I think there are times when the consequences must be ignored in favor for what is ultimately the right thing to do. I feel that the integrity I showed during my last year at XX should be the foundation for anyone studying law. As a teacher, I have learned to be an advocate of students. As a lawyer I want to be an advocate of those who cannot protect themselves.

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deadpoetnsp
Posts: 149
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:57 pm

Re: PS that I would like to send soon

Postby deadpoetnsp » Tue Nov 30, 2010 11:27 am

A very engaging and well written story. A couple more lines tying the story to how you want to become a lawyer would have an even greater impact. Something more about how the experience made you determined to be a lawyer.

sgp_lycee
Posts: 22
Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:35 pm

Re: PS that I would like to send soon

Postby sgp_lycee » Tue Nov 30, 2010 12:16 pm

deadpoetnsp wrote:A very engaging and well written story. A couple more lines tying the story to how you want to become a lawyer would have an even greater impact. Something more about how the experience made you determined to be a lawyer.



ok thanks. This will be hard since I'm about two lines from my limit but I understand why it should be there. Hopefully I'll be able to do this.

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paratactical
Posts: 5961
Joined: Wed Feb 04, 2009 1:06 pm

Re: PS that I would like to send soon

Postby paratactical » Tue Nov 30, 2010 12:20 pm

I feel that the integrity I showed during my last year at XX should be the foundation for anyone studying law.


I would watch this line - not that I disagree with you, but that making broad statements about how law things ought to be could be dangerous. Maybe reword?

I feel that the integrity I showed during my last year at XX is a solid foundation for my study of the law.


Or something.

I also don't know that you really have to go too deeply into why you want to be a lawyer and would hesitate to add and possibly detract from the story flow. Either way, this is a pretty good and unique PS that I think speaks very favorably to both your character and your ability to work within a system to enact change - both things that I would think would be desireable to an adcomm.




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