a story of an immigrant, please help me improve it. Thanks.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
flyfree
Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Oct 21, 2010 12:49 pm

a story of an immigrant, please help me improve it. Thanks.

Postby flyfree » Mon Nov 29, 2010 5:17 pm

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY AND BEYOND
I decided to become a patent attorney after experiencing a series of life changing events and overcoming incredible challenges during the past decade. Nine years ago, I left China with only two suitcases and arrived in the U.S. to continue my graduate study in engineering. Today, having a Ph.D., I am succeeding as a patent agent counseling multinational corporations about their patent portfolios. While once a young Chinese student with little knowledge about the rules and norms of this society, I am now a father having two children and actively engaging in contemporary political, social, and legal issues. These remarkable transformations have directed me to the decision of pursuing a legal career in intellectual property law.
The journey to earning my Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering in the U.S. was especially extraordinary. By the end of my college education in China, I realized that the U.S. had developed the most advanced sciences and technologies, many of which were still unavailable in China. My craving of knowledge and ambition of surpassing my peers had inspired me to pursue a Ph.D. in the U.S. and to choose nanotechnology as my research topic, a frontier of Mechanical Engineering and a subject that was a substantial shift from my undergraduate major, Civil Engineering. It was a bold and daring decision of mine as I had never left China before my graduate study. When I stepped onto the airplane to the U.S., my perception of Americans was all that was depicted by Hollywood and the NBA, and my oral skill of English was trained merely with a Sony Walkman. Regardless, I focused on my goal and pushed myself to the limit during my graduate years in Maryland to overcome barriers associated with a new major and a new academic environment. I have constantly spent more than 60 hours per week in researching and have read thousands of papers and books. Eventually, I completed my dissertation with high accomplishments, evidenced by four scholarly articles published in prestigious journals and numerous presentations in major national/international conferences.
The career of practicing intellectual property law firstly interested me when I worked with a patent attorney during my Ph.D. study to secure a U.S. Patent protecting my own idea of increasing the response speed of electroactive polymers. Inspired by the coupled legal and technical intricacies, and intrigued by the on-going learning nature of the process, I made up my mind to pursue a legal career in intellectual property. After obtaining my Ph.D., I joined a prominent law firm located in New York City and worked as a patent agent. During the past three years, I have secured patent protection for the firm’s clients on a daily basis and assumed vital roles in many due diligence and litigation projects. The importance and impact of patents unfolded through real cases have greatly affirmed my interests in intellectual property law and raised my desire to become a patent attorney.
However, my interests in studying law reach beyond intellectual property. Throughout all the years that I have pursued my ambitions in the U.S., communities here have warmly accepted me and rewarded me generously. Whenever I reached important milestones in my life such as earning my degree and starting my career, people judged my qualifications solely based on my experience, achievement, and character, rather than my skin color, nationality, or other prejudices. I have always wondered, “What makes American people treat me with such integrity.” Seeking the answers to this unresolved question together with a deep appreciation in my heart, I have decided to study law to gain a greater understanding of the fundamental value system driving this great society. In my evaluation, the law beyond intellectual property is a significant force in preserving, promoting, and advancing the essence of social order here.

User avatar
deadpoetnsp
Posts: 149
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:57 pm

Re: a story of an immigrant, please help me improve it. Thanks.

Postby deadpoetnsp » Mon Nov 29, 2010 6:24 pm

The start is good, but the ending few sentences have to be made stronger. Add some punch to the ending paragraph.

"Seeking the answers to this unresolved question together with a deep appreciation in my heart, I have decided to study law to gain a greater understanding of the fundamental value system driving this great society."

This part will be better before the ending, rather than as an ending itself.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.