2 Personal Statements- Please offer your criticisms

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
bluewillow
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:04 am

2 Personal Statements- Please offer your criticisms

Postby bluewillow » Mon Nov 29, 2010 7:58 am

edited
Last edited by bluewillow on Tue Nov 30, 2010 12:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: 2 Personal Statements- Please offer your criticisms

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Nov 29, 2010 8:26 am

CHANGE: "Such requests were granted..." to "My request was granted..." in the second essay.


Although there are other minor adjustments that can be made to further strengthen your second essay, overall it is very good & should be qite effective at helping your law school applications.

bluewillow
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:04 am

Re: 2 Personal Statements- Please offer your criticisms

Postby bluewillow » Mon Nov 29, 2010 8:31 am

Thank you, CanadianWolf! :D I assume you think the second one is better.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: 2 Personal Statements- Please offer your criticisms

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Nov 29, 2010 8:42 am

I liked both, but am distracted by the recently diagnosed severe health problem (lung cancer) of one of my dogs that makes it difficult for me to concentrate for more than a few minutes at a time.

bluewillow
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 8:04 am

Re: 2 Personal Statements- Please offer your criticisms

Postby bluewillow » Mon Nov 29, 2010 11:07 am

Oh no! I'm very sorry to hear that. :( My thought goes out to you and your dog. I have dogs myself and would be devastated if something happened to them. Thank you for even taking your time to comment.. I hope your dog gets better.

:edited: my parents are veterinarians themselves so if there's anything please let me know.. or just vent




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