Feedback on my ps please

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
screenname123456789
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:17 pm

Feedback on my ps please

Postby screenname123456789 » Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:31 pm

revised it
Last edited by screenname123456789 on Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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orangebluewhitered
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue May 20, 2008 7:29 pm

Re: Feedback on my ps please

Postby orangebluewhitered » Sat Nov 27, 2010 4:18 am

It's a little bland, it has unnecessary detail that doesn't add interest or value to the narrative. I'd streamline it a little and add some interesting detail that shows more insight into what's happening.

just one tutor to assist them. That tutor being me.


--> just one tutor to assist them: Me.

I, expecting some sort of generic response, was caught slightly off guard when he told me, “I e


Running into this former student had quite the impression on me.


Show, not tell.

screenname123456789
Posts: 16
Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:17 pm

Re: Feedback on my ps please

Postby screenname123456789 » Sat Nov 27, 2010 3:07 pm

Thanks for your help




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