Could you guys please look at my DS?

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atkpl
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:42 pm

Could you guys please look at my DS?

Postby atkpl » Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:41 pm

I would really appreciate any comment..

Thank you,


When I was in the 9th grade, I made the most significant decision of my life. I left Korea by myself to pursue a better education in America. Moreover, I was excited to have an opportunity to live in a society where people from different cultures live together and befriend with them.

When I moved to America, I attended a boarding school in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I was ready to enjoy the diversity the school offered. However, I was dismayed to find myself slowly becoming an outcast; making friends seemed to be the most difficult task in the world. Without my family to support me, I lost self-esteem and suffered from sheer loneliness that I never felt before. Every day, I grew reclusive more than before, spending most of my days alone in my room staring at the computer screen.

Just when I started to lose my hope for the American dream, I met my second roommate who would change my life. He was an international student from Honduras, but he was different from me; he completely blended in with the students at my school. One night, I was eager to find out his secrets. “Stop noticing they are not Koreans like you” was the verbatim answer I would never forget. It was an awakening; I, for the first time, realized that my strategy to fit into the school was wrong.

My roommate’s answer taught me an important lesson. I learned that I had been forcing myself to tolerate the cultural differences between me and my colleagues with a conviction that my tolerance was a sign of my appreciation of their cultures. Yet, I realized my endurance did not truly close the gap between me and the other students. Instead of people with different backgrounds, I started to perceive my fellow students just as another teenager like myself. It was surprising how easily my change in attitude allowed me to be a part of the school society and enjoy the diversity, for which I hoped before coming to America. After all, the true diversity was not a fruit of tolerance of discrepancies but of recognizing others as nothing different from oneself. By sharing my lesson and experiences from my high school with other students, I believe I can contribute to the diversity of X University community.

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glitched
Posts: 1040
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 9:50 am

Re: Could you guys please look at my DS?

Postby glitched » Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:49 pm

atkpl wrote: but of recognizing others as nothing different from oneself.


IMO, I think diversity isn't recognizing that others are not different but accepting others though they are different and embracing our differences - that's the whole point of diversity. If we were all the same, then a DS wouldn't even exist.

atkpl wrote: I believe I can contribute to the diversity of X University community.


You don't need to say this. suddenly tagging this on doesn't make your statement a "targeted letter." How do you know if your schools don't have many koreans or koreans like you? if they don't then you should mention how you researched that school and saw that you would add to their diversity.

And lastly... I dont think a DS is about showing how you lived a life of being diverse in your hometown or college. it's about how you are diverse compared to your incoming law school class.


haha sorry if this is negative. I am just trying to help. On a positive note, the writing is clear and i can understand what you are trying to say.

atkpl
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Oct 01, 2010 11:42 pm

Re: Could you guys please look at my DS?

Postby atkpl » Thu Nov 25, 2010 10:26 pm

leeronalda wrote:
atkpl wrote: but of recognizing others as nothing different from oneself.


IMO, I think diversity isn't recognizing that others are not different but accepting others though they are different and embracing our differences - that's the whole point of diversity. If we were all the same, then a DS wouldn't even exist.

atkpl wrote: I believe I can contribute to the diversity of X University community.


You don't need to say this. suddenly tagging this on doesn't make your statement a "targeted letter." How do you know if your schools don't have many koreans or koreans like you? if they don't then you should mention how you researched that school and saw that you would add to their diversity.

And lastly... I dont think a DS is about showing how you lived a life of being diverse in your hometown or college. it's about how you are diverse compared to your incoming law school class.


haha sorry if this is negative. I am just trying to help. On a positive note, the writing is clear and i can understand what you are trying to say.


Hey thank you so much for the comment.

I hear the same thing a lot. What would mean to be diverse then? I am having a hard time to figure this out..

Could you elaborate more on that?

Thank you very much again.

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glitched
Posts: 1040
Joined: Wed May 19, 2010 9:50 am

Re: Could you guys please look at my DS?

Postby glitched » Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:32 am

I think diverse might literally mean different, or dissimilar. So in a diversity statement you are trying to show that you are different from other people in your incoming law school class, not how you see everyone as the same and not how you are different from people in college or high school. You can't really predict what will make you diverse because you can get unlucky and apply alongside 1000 koreans who came to america from korea. However you can get a general feel of the diversity of a student body from previous years at the school - so do some research and see some numbers. I personally can't tell you anything because I didn't look any of that up.

(Note: I think schools are looking for diversity because 1. past wrongs or something along those lines? 2. they want a very mixed student body so that they go into a variety of fields/locations so that they can make the most money by hitting the most niches which will ultimately pay the most money back to the school)

With that being said, almost anything can make you diverse. I think in the instructions, some schools list racial, ethnic, or religious identification, socioeconomic status, sexual orientation just to name a few. If you feel being korean will make you diverse, then talk about being korean. Talk about your culture more instead of how you learned to embrace other cultures. Yeah, you can appreciate other cultures - cool beans. But that could also mean you are in the majority of a law school student body (white female?). So say how you are a heterogeneous mix of both american and korean culture. Start by saying who you were while in korea and then end with who you are at the end in america and how you are a lovely mix of both, adding diversity by being of two cultures almost. Be 100% positive and upbeat! Don't talk about your struggles here so much - try not to bum people out. Or if you don't like that, you can find SOMETHING that will make you different. Maybe you are a world class concert pianist that has performed in front of world class audiences (whatever that might mean).

Lastly, I don't think a DS is required for any school. You don't neeeeed to write a DS. I am sure it helps, but it's not necessary. I'm also korean-american and I decided not to write one because well everything I would've said was already stated in my PS, in my resume, or it would put me in a negative light.


Goodluck to you!

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Sinra
Posts: 240
Joined: Wed Apr 22, 2009 9:15 pm

Re: Could you guys please look at my DS?

Postby Sinra » Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:38 am

Well I sent you a PM with an edited statement and you kept all the bad parts. So good luck to you!




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