P.S. Editting Needed

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
ApolloniusCanon
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:14 pm

P.S. Editting Needed

Postby ApolloniusCanon » Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:57 am

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Last edited by ApolloniusCanon on Wed Dec 01, 2010 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Barbie
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Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:51 pm

Re: P.S. Editting Needed

Postby Barbie » Wed Nov 24, 2010 12:03 pm

I don't have time to read-- but GET RID OF THOSE FIRST TWO SENTENCES!! In fact, paste the first one in the "What not to include in a PS" thread. Seriously. Start off with something catchy and NOT cliche.

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2807
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Re: P.S. Editting Needed

Postby 2807 » Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:19 pm

This is as if you wrote the first half when you were 13, and the second half when you were 20.
What happened? The second half is sooooo much better!

You have good examples and real experiences. Drop the self deprecating stuff (all night video games, etc..) You are also writing a l little too informal, almost like a dialogue, in the first half. It is not easy to read. Be much more declarative and assertive. It makes a stronger PS.

You can wrap up the beginning in a few sentences that indicate your rough starts and troubles as a kid.. but then get right to the experiences and the PROCESS that opened your eyes and defines who you are today.

That is the good part. Your PS will thank you.

ApolloniusCanon
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:14 pm

Re: P.S. Editting Needed

Postby ApolloniusCanon » Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:31 pm

I feel you on the first sentence. I was thinking the same. Thanks for the input.

My question is whether I should scrap it and start over. I am applying mostly to t15-30 schools, a few 30-40 and a couple t14's. I have a 3.88 and 165 LSAT, so I want my P.S. to compliment that, not weaken it. I feel as if this p.s. might be too drab, focussing on my flaws. Let me know what you think.

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2807
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Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2009 10:23 pm

Re: P.S. Editting Needed

Postby 2807 » Wed Nov 24, 2010 3:49 pm

ApolloniusCanon wrote:I feel you on the first sentence. I was thinking the same. Thanks for the input.

My question is whether I should scrap it and start over. I am applying mostly to t15-30 schools, a few 30-40 and a couple t14's. I have a 3.88 and 165 LSAT, so I want my P.S. to compliment that, not weaken it. I feel as if this p.s. might be too drab, focussing on my flaws. Let me know what you think.



No need to scrap. You have a good message to convey. Just refine it. It took me many drafts, breaks, return to it.. and so forth to craft mine.

Write out exactly what your message is. In one sentence write out the statement in your personal statement.
"Because of _________ I am now _______" Then craft your 2 pages around that, making a small simple outline first.

Think :
1. intro sentence for each paragraph
2. transition sentence at the end of each paragraph
3. Have an opening paragraph and a summary/closing paragraph
4. The body will be the few main points in your outline

stay focused on the STATEMENT part of this. Too many people get lost in the descriptions of the evidence and scenery.

You can do it.




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