Page 1 of 1
Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 7:58 pm
by mcted
hoping to submit tonight or tomorrow, any comments are helpful.
deleted it, PM me if you have the time and I'll pm the statement to you for review.
Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:04 pm
by Kiersten1985
Didn't read this, but I think starting the PS off with a quote automatically makes your essay cliche. I'd lose it.
Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:07 pm
by glitter178
Kiersten1985 wrote:Didn't read this, but I think starting the PS off with a quote automatically makes your essay cliche. I'd lose it.
i'd generally agree, but this quote isn't a common one. sometimes, lesser-used quotes can be pretty significant in making a person remember a file, and in this case (talmud, jerusalem) i think it ties in nicely.
Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:09 pm
by glitter178
.
Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:20 pm
by mcted
glitter178 wrote:With that said, I hate how the first sentence sounds. Use of the passive voice like this seems unworthy of harvard.
Try "I felt (as if) I had made a mistake."
good catch, changed that. Anyone have an opinion on whether this essay works as a whole, if it's enough to atleast not hurt my chances?
Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:36 pm
by glitter178
Zz
Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:41 pm
by glitter178
Zz
Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft
Posted: Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:02 pm
by mcted
Finally, I'd just clean it up a bit-- eliminate compound/ linking verb usage when necessary, ie: instead of "... so much I decided to withdraw..." i'd do... ".... so much, I withdrew..."[/quote]
Yeah I totally see it all over the place now that you pointed it out. Also, can you edit your post to get rid of you quoting me? sorry I'm a little paranoid about leaving this stuff up here.