Harvard P.S. Final Draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mcted
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Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:16 pm

Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby mcted » Tue Nov 23, 2010 7:58 pm

hoping to submit tonight or tomorrow, any comments are helpful.


deleted it, PM me if you have the time and I'll pm the statement to you for review.
Last edited by mcted on Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Kiersten1985
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Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby Kiersten1985 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:04 pm

Didn't read this, but I think starting the PS off with a quote automatically makes your essay cliche. I'd lose it.

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glitter178
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Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby glitter178 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:07 pm

Kiersten1985 wrote:Didn't read this, but I think starting the PS off with a quote automatically makes your essay cliche. I'd lose it.


i'd generally agree, but this quote isn't a common one. sometimes, lesser-used quotes can be pretty significant in making a person remember a file, and in this case (talmud, jerusalem) i think it ties in nicely.

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glitter178
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Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby glitter178 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:09 pm

.
Last edited by glitter178 on Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mcted
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Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:16 pm

Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby mcted » Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:20 pm

glitter178 wrote:With that said, I hate how the first sentence sounds. Use of the passive voice like this seems unworthy of harvard.

Try "I felt (as if) I had made a mistake."


good catch, changed that. Anyone have an opinion on whether this essay works as a whole, if it's enough to atleast not hurt my chances?

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glitter178
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Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby glitter178 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:36 pm

Zz
Last edited by glitter178 on Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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glitter178
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Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby glitter178 » Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:41 pm

Zz
Last edited by glitter178 on Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mcted
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Re: Harvard P.S. Final Draft

Postby mcted » Tue Nov 23, 2010 9:02 pm

Finally, I'd just clean it up a bit-- eliminate compound/ linking verb usage when necessary, ie: instead of "... so much I decided to withdraw..." i'd do... ".... so much, I withdrew..."[/quote]

Yeah I totally see it all over the place now that you pointed it out. Also, can you edit your post to get rid of you quoting me? sorry I'm a little paranoid about leaving this stuff up here.




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