PS help needed!!!!!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Stephanie Bai
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:38 pm

PS help needed!!!!!

Postby Stephanie Bai » Tue Nov 23, 2010 6:43 pm

I broke my original PS into PS and SOP. The following is my SOP. Any critiques are welcome. please help check my grammar.


My desire to justice brought about my major of law and my commitment to law as future career. Grown up in China, I have been exposed to widespread corruption and power abuse, which are resulted from the imperfect legal system and insufficient legal professionals. I am always eager to contribute to the perfection of Chinese legal system; so justice will not be the last thing that people could ever expect. Therefore, when I finally accomplished stressful high school study and made it to Ludong University, I decided to major in law. Studying in University led me to a broad ocean of knowledge, of which I found myself could not get enough. When other girls hung out with their boyfriends on weekends, I was reading in the library. My reading spread through novels, magazines, politics, and law. Among them, I was fascinated by the masterpieces on law most, such as Edgar Bodenheimer’s Jurisprudence: The Philosophy and Method of the Law. That’s when I realized law is exactly the right decision for me. I feel more confident and more comfortable with my major than before.

I am always aware of that I need to experience law in the real world, for law is more practical than theoretical. By doing a couple of internships in both China and America, I have developed a direct and practical understanding to both Chinese Law and American Law. At the summer of 2008, I got an internship position at Kebei Law firm, a local firm in Taiyuan, where I shadowed a number of civil cases, such as divorce cases and labor dispute cases, and criminal cases. Those cases helped me to understand how laws are applied in real life in China. Started from the summer of 2010, I did internship with Department of Public Advocacy in Murray. I shadowed criminal cases with public attorneys in local courthouse. I perceived how public defenders, private lawyers, prosecutors and judges work together to function the legal system in America. From jury selection to witness examination, from opening statement to closing statement, seeing real trials contribute to my understanding of how American law is applied in people’s daily life.

Studying in Murray State has inspired my interest in international relations and international law. My political science major in Murray State enables me to explain the world by analyzing interests and conflicts among different countries; while classes from my minor legal studies informed me that those conflicts could be resolved through the application of international law. In Murray States, I also took a logical reasoning class and a couple of humanity and literature classes, which not only strengthened my ability for critical thinking, but deepened my understanding of different religions and cultures behind those conflicts, such as Islam in Middle East.

With a Bachelor of Law degree from Ludong University and a Bachelor of Science degree from Murray State University in prospect, my academic and practical experiences prepare me well for the advanced LLM program in Law school, specifically in the field of International law where I could apply my knowledge on both Chinese law and American law as well as my knowledge on political science. I am confident to bring distinguished perspective and enthusiasm to the law school. Moreover, I look forward to the LLM program as an opportunity to complete my education in law so that I am able to contribute myself to the perfection of Chinese legal system by applying my knowledge on International law.
Last edited by Stephanie Bai on Thu Nov 25, 2010 8:33 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Philipsssssss
Posts: 159
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2008 2:57 pm

Re: PS help needed!!!!!

Postby Philipsssssss » Wed Nov 24, 2010 4:45 pm

I noticed that many school will take 2-3 pages. I noticed that yours is 3 pages. I would use font 11 not 11 as it is curently shown.

Then, try to trim it down in word.

I will take a look later.

Mine is 3 pages so far. I dont think i can make mine shorter.

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glitter178
Posts: 771
Joined: Sun Mar 07, 2010 8:21 pm

Re: PS help needed!!!!!

Postby glitter178 » Wed Nov 24, 2010 4:47 pm

you say "on" in the first few words and i think you mean "of"

Stephanie Bai
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:38 pm

Re: PS help needed!!!!!

Postby Stephanie Bai » Thu Nov 25, 2010 5:43 pm

THanks, guys.

OliveM
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Nov 20, 2010 11:18 pm

Re: PS help needed!!!!!

Postby OliveM » Thu Nov 25, 2010 6:41 pm

Here are my grammatical changes for the first paragraph in ( ):

"It is my curiosity along with my determination (that) has made me who I am today..."

"My parents always encouraged me to make my own decision(s)..."

"...professors and numerous (amounts of) knowledge..."

Stephanie Bai
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:38 pm

Re: PS help needed!!!!!

Postby Stephanie Bai » Thu Nov 25, 2010 8:30 pm

Thank you!

OliveM wrote:Here are my grammatical changes for the first paragraph in ( ):

"It is my curiosity along with my determination (that) has made me who I am today..."

"My parents always encouraged me to make my own decision(s)..."

"...professors and numerous (amounts of) knowledge..."

Stephanie Bai
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2010 8:38 pm

Re: SOP help needed!!!!!

Postby Stephanie Bai » Thu Nov 25, 2010 8:32 pm

This is my new PS. Please give some comments or critiques

If there is anything I know of the world, I know myself. It is my curiosity along with my determination that has made me who I am today and set me on the path to law school.

Born and raised in Taiyuan, Shanxi Province, the middle part of China, I was always curious about the outside world. When I passed the College Entrance Exam, I came to Ludong University in Shandong Province, eastern China, instead of entering the University in my hometown. In the second year of college, I attended a national project competition called “Challenge Cup”. Along with three other team members, we did a project to survey college student’s sex attitude and sex education that they have received. As the leader of the team, I came up with a hypothesis, designed questionnaire, and appointed the job to each team member basing on their skills. Then, four of us visited students door to door, two collected and input data into computer; while other two analyze the results and compare the results with the hypothesis. Even though we lacked sufficient funds, we accomplished the project and had our research published on the Modern Education Science in China. It is my determination that helps me live through difficulties and successfully accomplish my goals.

On my third year in Ludong University, I applied for the study abroad program to Murray State University. Based on academic performance and extracurricular activities, I was distinguished from other students and got the chance to go to America. I still remember how excited I was when I took my very first International flight from Beijing to Nashville. On January 21, 2009, I arrived at Murray State--my new life started. At the first semester, I scheduled myself in ESL program to polish my English so that I could be well prepared for University classes. Looking back, this was a great experience. I had classmates from Poland, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Thailand, Japan, and Korea. Not only have I made friends with diverse backgrounds, but also learnt how to communicate with others without verbal language. My communication skills were revealed at that time. From different countries, we had trouble to understand each other’s accents at first, but based on face expression, body language and the context, I could easily figure out what my friends were trying to say, even without a complete sentence. Four months study informed me with tangible interesting cultures and enables me to understand others’ values and perspectives better.

From my previous life experience, I have been taught for many times that only in the situations outside my comfort zones that my deep down potential could be inspired. Out of curiosity and interest in America law, I joined Mock Trial Team in Murray State on this spring. My first trip with the team to Louisville could be seen as a milestone in my life, in which I have overcome my fear of being embarrassed and learned how to live comfortable in an unfamiliar surrounding. I was new to the team and was the only nonwhite in the team; I did not receive any training or instruction before the first trip. That was why I could not come up with a word when the team was discussing the case. Even though I felt hurt and felt that I did not belong here, I knew I must find a way to be part of the team, at least make myself comfortable. So, I tried to initiate a talk with other team members; and ask others about the case and the evidence rules; I even offered a suggestion for our trial tactic after knowing the case and rules. Finally, I found my way to merge into the team with more ease and enjoyment, though I still do not get the so-called “knock-knock” joke that my teammates talked about. Just three weeks ago, our team made the best record in MTSU for four years, and I am proud to say that I am part of the team.

It has been five years since I left my family in pursuit of education, from middle China to eastern China, from China to America, my life is a journey. After three years study in law and two years study in political science, I am ready for my next adventure-Master of Law. I am confident to bring distinguished perspective and enthusiasm to the law school. Moreover, I look forward to the LLM program as an opportunity to develop my most cherished personal characteristics: curiosity and determination.




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