PS...Please Be Critical and Tear it to Shreds.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Ratchet Jackson
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PS...Please Be Critical and Tear it to Shreds.

Postby Ratchet Jackson » Sun Nov 21, 2010 8:53 pm

edit.
Last edited by Ratchet Jackson on Tue Nov 23, 2010 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Ratchet Jackson
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Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 6:41 pm

Re: PS...Please Be Critical and Tear it to Shreds.

Postby Ratchet Jackson » Mon Nov 22, 2010 3:50 pm

bump...anybody? i'll return the favor just PM me your statement

ApolloniusCanon
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Re: PS...Please Be Critical and Tear it to Shreds.

Postby ApolloniusCanon » Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:54 pm

"I was lucky: growing."

You can use a semi-colon, but a period and new sentence is equally appropriate. A trival point, sorry I do not have anything more substantive to say.

ApolloniusCanon
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Re: PS...Please Be Critical and Tear it to Shreds.

Postby ApolloniusCanon » Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:03 pm

More usefully, try to condense your initial two paragraphs, focussing on it being a catalyst which has motivated your passion for public interest law.

Additionally, your paragraph beginning "I was lucky" shifts topics a few times - your parents influence, your interest in law and your concern for helping people. Try to break these topics up or discuss something which unites them. Perhaps begin by discussing Andrew, then branch to this pagraph, contrasting your parents and upbringing with Andre's, and how this motivates your desire to help others. I personally would omit my interest in public sector law in this paragraph, instead using a new paragraph and event to bridge my concern for helping other's to my legal passion, but that's me.

Good luck man. I hope that helps.

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Ratchet Jackson
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Joined: Wed Nov 17, 2010 6:41 pm

Re: PS...Please Be Critical and Tear it to Shreds.

Postby Ratchet Jackson » Mon Nov 22, 2010 6:30 pm

ApolloniusCanon wrote:More usefully, try to condense your initial two paragraphs, focussing on it being a catalyst which has motivated your passion for public interest law.

Additionally, your paragraph beginning "I was lucky" shifts topics a few times - your parents influence, your interest in law and your concern for helping people. Try to break these topics up or discuss something which unites them. Perhaps begin by discussing Andrew, then branch to this pagraph, contrasting your parents and upbringing with Andre's, and how this motivates your desire to help others. I personally would omit my interest in public sector law in this paragraph, instead using a new paragraph and event to bridge my concern for helping other's to my legal passion, but that's me.

Good luck man. I hope that helps.


Thanks man, I'll incorporate those changes and I appreciate the insightful reply.




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