Final Draft...feel free to dsmantle

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
User avatar
Zarathustraspoke
Posts: 173
Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2010 1:19 pm

Final Draft...feel free to dsmantle

Postby Zarathustraspoke » Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:19 pm

My inner coached barked orders at me as I dove head first in deep right field to catch the ball: “Faster...faster...there’s the ball...come on, faster!” I jumped up to my feet, looked around for the ball, and saw my teammate running towards me with his hands up in the air. At that moment I realized the ball was in my glove and I had just saved my team from losing the game. That game I was on base three times, scored two runs, and made the game saving catch. That game, one of the last games of my senior year in high school, is also the fondest memory I have of all my years of playing baseball. It was also a culmination of the hard work and dedication to turn my disability into a motivational ability.
On a beautiful summer morning in the summer of 1994 my older brother accidentally struck me across my left eye with a jagged and pointy iron pipe. We were in the middle of playing a makeshift baseball game and the pipe was being used as a baseball bat where he was the batter and I was squatting behind him as the catcher. That day I lost vision from my left eye. I am still grateful that my father put me in a baseball team at the age of seven despite the accident. Years later, I continued to play the game with diligence and passion. For most of my childhood I had a very difficult time seeing the ball and being the talented player I dreamed about; but I did not let this affect the joy and profound fulfillment I got every time I stepped out onto the field and smelled the grass in the late afternoon sun.
Every time I went out onto the field either to bat or play the defense it was not unusual to hear someone from my team say something like “why don’t you try using your good eye to hit the ball” or “hey, crazy eye, try seeing the ball!” However, instead of seeing this constant jeering as a reason to quit, I used them as motivation to inspire me to play the game as best as I could while enjoying it as much as I could. So, I began to practice. I practiced during the winter, during the summer, or whenever I was not doing schoolwork. By the end of my senior year in high school I was the starting right fielder and one of the better hitters on my team. Most of my teammates did not notice that I was visually impaired and I chose not to tell them.
In my studies and in every other aspect of my life I have held the same motivational drive. One example, for my senior thesis I wrote on Nietzsche’s transcendence of good and evil where my professor said he was “proud of the justice I did to Nietzsche” for the handle I had on many of his ideas. However, studying Nietzsche was no easy feat. Before I was able to even begin writing my thesis I had to read ‘Beyond Good and Evil’ three times over. The complexity of Nietzsche’s work seemed daunting and understanding his writing might have proven vexing to many, but it is the challenge to overcome and understand the most profound of his ideas that moved me to make him the subject of my thesis.
In other aspects of my life, the same steadfast commitment to success has proven essential. As President of the Hispanic Organization for Latin Awareness, I took pride in standing up for many of the underrepresented student bodies throughout the school. Additionally, after the Political Science department performed a poll showing that many students on campus were not registered to vote, I was part of a team that led a school wide voting drive during the 2008 elections where we succeeded in getting many students registered to vote and held an on-campus election night event where there were a record number of students in attendance. And lastly, in serving as a mentor to my younger brother, I have witnessed him grow to a responsible and honest young man.
My capabilities were and will never be determined by the limitations or obstacles imposed on me. With passion, diligence and perseverance, I was able to more confidently confront many of the obstacles I have faced. In all, my eye accident has provided me with valuable life experiences that have allowed me to develop the sort of character that would make me an ideal candidate for law school. I plan to continue exhibiting the sort of motivation, courage, and diligence in law school that have served such an invaluable role in all of my accomplishments thus far. I never saw any challenge as a hefty burden, but more as an opportunity to develop the character that has allowed me to persevere.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Final Draft...feel free to dsmantle

Postby CanadianWolf » Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:26 pm

Convincing & inspirational.

taxguy
Posts: 307
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 2:46 pm

Re: Final Draft...feel free to dsmantle

Postby taxguy » Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:39 pm

I liked your PS. However, there were some places where you were missing commas after independent clauses. Please proof-read for punctuation.

rockspaperjesus
Posts: 66
Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 1:06 pm

Re: Final Draft...feel free to dsmantle

Postby rockspaperjesus » Sun Nov 21, 2010 2:41 pm

inner coach? unless inner coached means something i don't know

User avatar
Zarathustraspoke
Posts: 173
Joined: Tue Nov 02, 2010 1:19 pm

Re: Final Draft...feel free to dsmantle

Postby Zarathustraspoke » Mon Nov 22, 2010 11:29 am

Thank you all...

rockspaperjesus wrote:inner coach? unless inner coached means something i don't know

Yes you are right about this-- I can't believe I didn't notice that the 20 times I read it over!




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.