PS final draft... did I miss anything?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

PS final draft... did I miss anything?

Postby hawaii » Fri Nov 19, 2010 12:27 am

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Last edited by hawaii on Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Re: PS final draft... did I miss anything?

Postby hawaii » Sat Nov 20, 2010 9:11 pm

Anyone?! :cry:

OliveM
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Nov 20, 2010 11:18 pm

Re: PS final draft... did I miss anything?

Postby OliveM » Sat Nov 20, 2010 11:32 pm

There is a paragraph where you list some tasks and awards related to your paralegal job. I think a better place for that would be your resume. If that information is already in your resume, it might seem redundant to also include it in your personal statement. Maybe you could use that space to go into detail about some profound or interesting project that you worked on as a paralegal, or you could give more information about exactly how and why you qualified for those awards.

Joymin
Posts: 55
Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:38 am

Re: PS final draft... did I miss anything?

Postby Joymin » Sun Nov 21, 2010 9:56 am

My two penny worth -

The beginning is definitely catchy, and does engage the reader. Perhaps you could try something that blends much better with the main substance of the PS. For example, you could start with the day you met the pro bono lawyer and how you felt comforted/secure and it marked the end of your several years long epic drama. Maybe then you could describe the "epic drama" in a flashback, only to come quickly to the present to the pro bono lawyer again or the school you attended. I am just suggesting a different twist with which you could present the story. To me, the kidnap story did not blend so well in to the overall picture (but that is my view).

Also, if you could bring out a few more of your experiences either at school or at the law firm (without divulging client-related specifics) in a way that highlight different qualities of yours like teamwork, level of motivation, leadership, analytical ability, etc.

All the best!

ps: Would you care to have a look at my PS and give your feedback?




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