empty post now. Thanks.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
JJDancer
Posts: 1564
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:41 pm

empty post now. Thanks.

Postby JJDancer » Thu Nov 18, 2010 9:56 pm

Tried to actually continue writing it. Not going with this topic. Thanks for your comments.
Last edited by JJDancer on Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

WayBryson
Posts: 179
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:24 pm

Re: Is this super lame?

Postby WayBryson » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:11 pm

I don't think this is lame, but I don't think it is wise either. All of the themes running through this could be included in something much, much shorter, which would leave you more space for talking about your later life development and substantive interests, which are probably going to do more to help your application. Working in "diversity" is a good idea, but structuring your whole statement around it seems like a waste. In any event, everything worth keeping for an essay (or an introduction if you intend this as a springboard for a personal narrative) could easily be included in 1 paragraph.

JJDancer
Posts: 1564
Joined: Sun Jul 26, 2009 7:41 pm

Re: Is this super lame?

Postby JJDancer » Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:00 am

Thanks. Anyone else want to comment please?

peterb0y
Posts: 102
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:48 pm

Re: Is this super lame?

Postby peterb0y » Fri Nov 19, 2010 1:04 am

First of all, I'm from Miami too, so I can appreciate this topic. However, I'd have to agree with the poster above, you should probably consolidate what you have now into one paragraph, and develop that into an essay about YOU, not an essay about Miami.




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