Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
daydreamer
Posts: 108
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:10 pm

Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby daydreamer » Wed Nov 17, 2010 4:35 pm

Deleted. Thanks for your help.
Last edited by daydreamer on Mon Nov 22, 2010 5:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
chrissyc
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby chrissyc » Thu Nov 18, 2010 7:26 am

Just one part that sticks out to me...the ending paragraph..."Through my experience, I have achieved clarity through hardship; perspective and ambition through adversity. " This just sounds a bit awkward to me because you attribute nothing to your experience, clarity...to hardship and perspective...to adversity. So you're missing an element to make it all parallel.

I hope that makes sense. Very well written and congratulations for overcoming such an incredibly difficult experience. Good luck.

daydreamer
Posts: 108
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:10 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby daydreamer » Thu Nov 18, 2010 8:01 pm

Okay I'll try to reword that. Thanks!

Anyone else?

User avatar
rinkrat19
Posts: 13913
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 5:35 am

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby rinkrat19 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:08 pm

The very first sentence sounds funny to me. I've never heard the phrase "put on an image." Project an image or put up a front, yes.

313D313
Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2010 7:52 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby 313D313 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:20 pm

I liked your PS because it was well written and not boring to read. Just be careful with the claims you are making. You say that you want to help people but if you do not have anything on your resume that shows this kind of work or do not give any examples in your PS, your claim is not as credible. I believe i came across this on TLS in an interview with one of the deans (can't remember)

User avatar
s0ph1e2007
Posts: 1054
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2009 10:37 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby s0ph1e2007 » Thu Nov 18, 2010 10:22 pm

rinkrat19 wrote:The very first sentence sounds funny to me. I've never heard the phrase "put on an image." Project an image or put up a front, yes.


+1

daydreamer
Posts: 108
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:10 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby daydreamer » Fri Nov 19, 2010 2:08 am

rinkrat19 wrote:The very first sentence sounds funny to me. I've never heard the phrase "put on an image." Project an image or put up a front, yes.


My mother smiled weakly at me in an effort to portray a strong and confident image but I could tell she was as petrified as I was.

Thanks, do you think this is this better?
313D313 wrote:I liked your PS because it was well written and not boring to read. Just be careful with the claims you are making. You say that you want to help people but if you do not have anything on your resume that shows this kind of work or do not give any examples in your PS, your claim is not as credible. I believe i came across this on TLS in an interview with one of the deans (can't remember)


Do you think Resident Assistant could be a valid example of something on my resume that could back up my claim?

313D313
Posts: 220
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2010 7:52 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby 313D313 » Fri Nov 19, 2010 2:14 am

daydreamer wrote:
rinkrat19 wrote:The very first sentence sounds funny to me. I've never heard the phrase "put on an image." Project an image or put up a front, yes.


My mother smiled weakly at me in an effort to portray a strong and confident image but I could tell she was as petrified as I was.

Thanks, do you think this is this better?
313D313 wrote:I liked your PS because it was well written and not boring to read. Just be careful with the claims you are making. You say that you want to help people but if you do not have anything on your resume that shows this kind of work or do not give any examples in your PS, your claim is not as credible. I believe i came across this on TLS in an interview with one of the deans (can't remember)


Do you think Resident Assistant could be a valid example of something on my resume that could back up my claim?


If you worked there, yes i think so.

eve2490
Posts: 84
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:00 am

.

Postby eve2490 » Fri Nov 19, 2010 3:51 am

.
Last edited by eve2490 on Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
aesis
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 9:26 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby aesis » Fri Nov 19, 2010 3:37 pm

This is a great PS.
I'd say the version you have is submittable. Tweak if you care, but I read through it -- it was easy to read, I got the point, and I got to know something about you, an incredible and compelling "something." Good luck!

daydreamer
Posts: 108
Joined: Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:10 pm

Re: Final Draft?? I'm hoping so..tell me if you think otherwise!

Postby daydreamer » Fri Nov 19, 2010 5:32 pm

Thanks everyone for your advice! I'll probably add and change a couple lines and then submit this weekend.

I was half-expecting TLS to tear my PS apart. haha

Thanks again everyone. Any more advice is welcome and would be appreciated.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.