Help! Just rewrote my PS, trying to submit soon... thoughts?

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peterb0y
Posts: 102
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:48 pm

Help! Just rewrote my PS, trying to submit soon... thoughts?

Postby peterb0y » Tue Nov 16, 2010 3:22 am

I come from a family of farmers. My great-grandfather and grandfather each owned and operated a fruit nursery in Cuba, and after being exiled to the United States, my father continued the tradition by opening a landscaping nursery in South Florida. As with typical Cuban family businesses, everyone pitched in. I grew up at the nursery, or “la finca,” as we lovingly call it. As a young child, my fondest memories included playing tag with my younger brother among the rows of trees, chasing the dogs that roamed the property, and playing basketball on the makeshift hoop that my parents’ set up for me. It was not all play however. I helped with planting seedlings, potting soil, and helping the mechanics work on tractor repairs. I quickly formed bonds with the nursery employees, having a special fondness for the mechanic Reinaldo, also an immigrant from Cuba, who became like an uncle to me.

In the agricultural sector, one is quickly confronted with the challenges presented by the unknown, namely the forces of nature. From a young age I learned these lessons, as I was not yet four years old when Hurricane Andrew ravaged South Florida. One of my earliest memories involves walking through acres and acres of empty farmland, which only days before had been filled with countless rows of trees and plants that served as my playground.

Looking back at the damage caused by Hurricane Andrew, I can now appreciate how truly dire my family’s economic situation was following the storm. I wholly credit the unflinching determination of my parents for leading our family through the repercussions of Hurricane Andrew. Both my mother and father had lost everything after being exiled from Cuba in the turmoil of the Revolution, and as such, they had learned to survive and rebuild in the face of unexpected obstacles. I quickly had the chance to follow their example, as every family member needed to help in the rebuilding process. For years after the storm, my brother and I would take a forty-five minute bus ride from my school to the nursery, where we would stay until evening fell helping out in any way necessary. Those years were tough, but they were integral in my formation. I did not get to partake in normal after school activities like my classmates, but instead, I learned responsibility, pragmatism, and how to respond to unexpected crisis.

Eventually, “la finca” was restored, but the lessons I learned were not lost. As we grew up, my brother and I continued our involvement with the nursery, working there every summer. I gained a summer position in the office where I helped with sales as the company expanded. Since Andrew, various natural dangers have threatened the nursery, ranging from frosts to hurricanes. Hurricanes Charley and Ivan in 2004, and Dennis and Wilma in 2005 brought significant damage and setbacks to the nursery, but after the lessons I learned as a child, I was confident that such obstacles could be overcome with sufficient determination.

In fact, I have come to embrace the challenges provided by the unknown. Growing up hearing the stories of my parents and the immigrant employees at “la finca” instilled in me a curiosity for the immigration aspect of law. As such, law school is the next logical “obstacle of the unknown” in my life, a challenge that I will endeavor to overcome using the skills I developed during my childhood at "la finca".

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glitched
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Re: Help! Just rewrote my PS, trying to submit soon... thoughts?

Postby glitched » Tue Nov 16, 2010 3:50 am

peterb0y wrote: Hurricanes Charley and Ivan in 2004, and Dennis and Wilma in 2005 brought significant damage and setbacks to the nursery, but after the lessons I learned as a child, I was confident that such obstacles could be overcome with sufficient determination.


From the year 2005 to now, a lot of time has passed and you are not really "confident that such obstacles COULD be overcome..." you either overcame them by now or you didn't. and if you overcame them, then you should write your entire personal statement on what YOU did to help overcome them over those five years. You were young when you learned your childhood lessons. Children are pretty dumb. Tell us more about your adult lessons. My two cents :)

peterb0y
Posts: 102
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:48 pm

Re: Help! Just rewrote my PS, trying to submit soon... thoughts?

Postby peterb0y » Tue Nov 16, 2010 3:54 am

leeronalda wrote:
peterb0y wrote: Hurricanes Charley and Ivan in 2004, and Dennis and Wilma in 2005 brought significant damage and setbacks to the nursery, but after the lessons I learned as a child, I was confident that such obstacles could be overcome with sufficient determination.


From the year 2005 to now, a lot of time has passed and you are not really "confident that such obstacles COULD be overcome..." you either overcame them by now or you didn't. and if you overcame them, then you should write your entire personal statement on what YOU did to help overcome them over those five years. You were young when you learned your childhood lessons. Children are pretty dumb. Tell us more about your adult lessons. My two cents :)


Thanks! You're totally right, I do need another paragraph detailing those issues... I'll get on that

Another worry I have is my awkward transition into talking about how I'd be suitable for law school, any thoughts/ suggestions? Overall, is the theme and direction of the ps okay?

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well-hello-there
Posts: 320
Joined: Tue Oct 12, 2010 8:38 pm

Re: Help! Just rewrote my PS, trying to submit soon... thoughts?

Postby well-hello-there » Tue Nov 16, 2010 4:25 am

peterb0y wrote:I wholly credit the unflinching determination of my parents for leading our family through the repercussions of Hurricane Andrew.


Wording of this sentence is awkward and confusing.




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