Reposting PS--Please Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
otto wood
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:10 pm

Reposting PS--Please Critique

Postby otto wood » Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:19 pm

...............
Last edited by otto wood on Thu Nov 25, 2010 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

otto wood
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:10 pm

Re: Reposting PS--Please Critique

Postby otto wood » Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:25 pm

Bump...

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TommyK
Posts: 1309
Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 3:08 pm

Re: Reposting PS--Please Critique

Postby TommyK » Sat Nov 20, 2010 7:58 pm

timely. i like. flows well.

Only suggestion I have is that I would have the conclusion be stronger. You say you're not able to effectively fight for your family. Then you say that law school is indispensable. I think it's implied that you'll want to do environmental law, but in what form? Do you want to work for a nonprofit? Do you want to advise your family on legal issues? It just seems like the PS abruptly ends and I'd expect it to go on for another sentence or two. I think it's really solid though.

otto wood
Posts: 15
Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:10 pm

Re: Reposting PS--Please Critique

Postby otto wood » Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:19 am

TommyK wrote:timely. i like. flows well.

Only suggestion I have is that I would have the conclusion be stronger. You say you're not able to effectively fight for your family. Then you say that law school is indispensable. I think it's implied that you'll want to do environmental law, but in what form? Do you want to work for a nonprofit? Do you want to advise your family on legal issues? It just seems like the PS abruptly ends and I'd expect it to go on for another sentence or two. I think it's really solid though.



Thanks. I think you're right, it definitely feels somewhat incomplete. Like I rushed the last paragraph to get it in on time. I'll try to fix it.

Anyone else?

peterb0y
Posts: 102
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:48 pm

Re: Reposting PS--Please Critique

Postby peterb0y » Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:30 am

A few things- you set up alot about the problems you are facing, but only have a small, undetailed paragraph about your response. I understand the topic, but make sure that it doesn't overshadow YOU- its your personal statement. I'd write more about what you specifically did without rewriting your resume. I also agree that the last paragraph needs work. Aside from that, its solid.

Any chance you could read my DS? Just head over to the thread I made if you get a chance, thanks!




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