Please critique my PS

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blackbird

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Please critique my PS

Postby blackbird » Fri Nov 12, 2010 7:41 pm

Edit: Hopefully this sort of action is perfectly okay by the rules of the site. I'm just going to remove the text of the personal statement while I go to overhaul this draft. Gin, thank you so much for your input. I truly appreciate it. Also, if a mod sees this edit and feels motivated to delete this thread, I wouldn't mind that one bit.
Last edited by blackbird on Sat Nov 13, 2010 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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gin

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Re: Please critique my PS

Postby gin » Sat Nov 13, 2010 3:10 am

I'm not sure what the length requirements are and where you are submitting it to but that is way too long (4 pages)
You are going to have to cut a great deal and by doing so, I have the feeling it will change a great deal. Here's something you can do for the second paragraph:

"Signing up for SCCAP, a student-run volunteer organization dedicated uniquely to social justice, in my first few weeks of college was a pedestrian-enough decision, but it would ultimately shape nearly the entirety of my four-year collegiate career. It is difficult not to pinpoint my decision to join SCCAP as the crystallization of my ingrained desire to give back to the community. I had always wanted to make a positive contribution to society, and finally in college, I had the opportunity to get involved."

All I did was copy and paste to rearrange it and cut the unnecessary stuff. (oh and I changed the last few words)
If you do that with everything you should be able to get it to at least 3 and the just edit the content and condense some stuff to get it to where you need it to be



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