Personal Statement -- Final Draft Forum
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toph
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:23 pm
Personal Statement -- Final Draft
Thx.
Last edited by toph on Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
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CanadianWolf
- Posts: 11413
- Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm
Re: Personal Statement -- Final Draft
Starts off in a weak fashion, then progresses nicely & ends with two superfluous sentences.
"I became an impartial viewer of arguments..." is somewhat troubling as this could only be accomplished by a higher power or by a post-lobotomy patient.
DELETE: The final two sentences.
"I became an impartial viewer of arguments..." is somewhat troubling as this could only be accomplished by a higher power or by a post-lobotomy patient.
DELETE: The final two sentences.
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3|ink
- Posts: 7393
- Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:23 pm
Re: Personal Statement -- Final Draft
I think you'd do better without the first paragraph. I just get the strange feeling that admissions people see allusions to 'carpe diem' all the time. It really picks up after paragraph 3. I enjoyed it.
