Personal Statement -- Final Draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
toph
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:23 pm

Personal Statement -- Final Draft

Postby toph » Thu Nov 11, 2010 4:22 pm

Thx.
Last edited by toph on Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Personal Statement -- Final Draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Nov 11, 2010 4:33 pm

Starts off in a weak fashion, then progresses nicely & ends with two superfluous sentences.

"I became an impartial viewer of arguments..." is somewhat troubling as this could only be accomplished by a higher power or by a post-lobotomy patient.

DELETE: The final two sentences.

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3|ink
Posts: 7331
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2009 5:23 pm

Re: Personal Statement -- Final Draft

Postby 3|ink » Thu Nov 11, 2010 4:38 pm

I think you'd do better without the first paragraph. I just get the strange feeling that admissions people see allusions to 'carpe diem' all the time. It really picks up after paragraph 3. I enjoyed it.




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