PS Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
crazner
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:35 pm

PS Critique

Postby crazner » Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:43 pm

Thanks for your help everyone! This is great info for me to do another draft of this PS!
Last edited by crazner on Thu Nov 11, 2010 6:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lawnerd1
Posts: 44
Joined: Wed Nov 10, 2010 10:23 pm

Re: PS Critique

Postby lawnerd1 » Wed Nov 10, 2010 10:35 pm

First thing I noticed was how you started back to back paragraphs with "I grew up".

You also say that you realize sometimes no one answer is correct, but you have a strong sense of what is right and wrong. I'd try and resolve that discrepancy.

Personally, I'd reword the second to last paragraph where it says you derive satisfaction from the suffering of others, but I also don't want to be a prosecutor.

And the last sentence - that "get theirs" is kind of awkward.

Not a very thrilling read, but you get your point across. You enjoy a good argument.

I hope my honesty doesn't offend - sorry if it does.

crazner
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:35 pm

Re: PS Critique

Postby crazner » Thu Nov 11, 2010 1:20 am

No, your honesty doesn't offend at all, I want honesty. Do you (or anyone else) have any suggestions for how to make it a little more interesting to read?

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: PS Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Nov 11, 2010 2:44 am

This is an excellent essay--except for the last sentence.(Although prosecutors are likely to find the last sentence comforting as confirmation of your suitability for such a position.)

Your personal statement is interesting to read, flows well & communicates your points in a very effective manner.

P.S. When interviewing for prosecutorial positions, you should do very well.

hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Re: PS Critique

Postby hawaii » Thu Nov 11, 2010 2:19 pm

While not the most interesting PS I've ever read, I quite like it.

According to most people on this forum, contractions are a no-no in your PS so you might want to edit accordingly.




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