Quick Addendum Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
bobthebuilder
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:55 pm

Quick Addendum Critique

Postby bobthebuilder » Tue Nov 09, 2010 5:04 pm

Spoke with USC and UCLA they told me that since i have more than three transcripts they want an explanation of why...
break down:
1 course at a Community College
Majority except one course of my GE's and Pre-req's at another community college
full 3 quarters worth of classes 1st year at UC
1 summer course at different UC closer to home
full 3 quarter worth of classes at UC but one through extension to pay by UNIT.

Dear Admissions Committee Member,

Since I was seventeen years old, I have been a financially independent, focusing on balancing my education and various jobs. That is why I chose to attend community college; due to it’s flexibility of my work schedule and reduced tuition. My LSAC Academic Report will show transcripts from multiple colleges, however the majority of my courses were completed at ______s and_______ College. My last quarter at _____ I chose to enroll through ____ Extension, which allowed me to save over two thousand dollars by paying by unit. As apparent through my transcripts, I maintained high merits at my different colleges, which is why I hope that this will not affect my application.

minnie112
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:53 am

Re: Quick Addendum Critique

Postby minnie112 » Tue Nov 09, 2010 5:07 pm

Personally, I would open with, "To whom it may concern", instead of "Dear Admissions Committee Member".

bobthebuilder
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:55 pm

Re: Quick Addendum Critique

Postby bobthebuilder » Tue Nov 09, 2010 5:14 pm

Thanks, what about the over all statement..any suggestions? to long to short? not enough explanation?

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Quick Addendum Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 09, 2010 5:24 pm

CONSIDER: "I chose to attend community college because of its flexibile schedule and low tuition."

bobthebuilder
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:55 pm

Re: Quick Addendum Critique

Postby bobthebuilder » Tue Nov 09, 2010 6:03 pm

Dear Admissions Committee Member,

Since I was seventeen years old, I have been a financially independent, focusing on balancing my education and various jobs. I chose to attend community college because of its flexible schedule and low tuition. My LSAC Academic Report will show transcripts from multiple colleges, however the majority of my courses were completed at ______s and_______ College. My last quarter at _____ I chose to enroll through ____ Extension, which allowed me to save over two thousand dollars by paying by unit. As apparent through my transcripts, I maintained high merits at my different colleges, which is why I hope that this will not affect my application.

BETTER??

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Quick Addendum Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 09, 2010 6:07 pm

CONSIDER: "...focusing on balancing my education with concurrent employment."

bobthebuilder
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:55 pm

Re: Quick Addendum Critique

Postby bobthebuilder » Tue Nov 09, 2010 6:10 pm

Thank you i appreciate the feedback. If you see anything else by all means don't hold back.

bobthebuilder
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Nov 09, 2010 4:55 pm

Re: Quick Addendum Critique

Postby bobthebuilder » Tue Nov 09, 2010 8:50 pm

Bump




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