Right tone? Too much resume?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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niederbomb
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Right tone? Too much resume?

Postby niederbomb » Mon Nov 08, 2010 7:24 am

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Last edited by niederbomb on Sun Jan 09, 2011 3:04 am, edited 14 times in total.

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gin
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Re: Personal Statement

Postby gin » Tue Nov 09, 2010 3:12 pm

I'm not sure what the page limit is, but if it's the usual 2, you are way past that
It seems like you re-stating you're resume in a lot of places
reviving this one

JJDancer
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Re: Personal Statement

Postby JJDancer » Tue Nov 09, 2010 3:22 pm

gin wrote:I'm not sure what the page limit is, but if it's the usual 2, you are way past that
It seems like you re-stating you're resume in a lot of places
reviving this one

Canadian page limits are much longer (4 pages I think?)

Saltqjibo
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Re: Personal Statement

Postby Saltqjibo » Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:02 pm

Hey, you have a hell of an interesting life story and a pretty good PS. Yeah the Canadian limits are much longer. Just curious, unless you changed things to make it look like you are from the U.S. why are you wanting to come up here? McGill might want to know this too. Also, make sure you can handle the french reqs, not sure what your proficiency is.

My best advice to you is that its pretty good but you might want to get a professional writer or editor to go over it cuz i don't think its quite there yet.
I can converse equally well with both hicks and savants.


lose this, it makes you sound like you have contempt for both groups in one sentence.

Like if I were to say," my experience on the debate team and on the basketball team has given me the ability to relate to both nerds and jocks"

porkbarrel
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Re: Personal Statement

Postby porkbarrel » Tue Nov 09, 2010 9:14 pm

McGill's page limit is two-pages.

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niederbomb
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Re: Personal Statement

Postby niederbomb » Wed Nov 10, 2010 8:21 am

Hey, you have a hell of an interesting life story and a pretty good PS. Yeah the Canadian limits are much longer. Just curious, unless you changed things to make it look like you are from the U.S. why are you wanting to come up here? McGill might want to know this too. Also, make sure you can handle the french reqs, not sure what your proficiency is.

My best advice to you is that its pretty good but you might want to get a professional writer or editor to go over it cuz i don't think its quite there yet.
Quote:
I can converse equally well with both hicks and savants.


lose this, it makes you sound like you have contempt for both groups in one sentence.


Lost it.


McGill's page limit is two paces double or single spaced. Mine is 12 point font, almost 2 pages, single spaced. Now it's a lot less, after I cut some material above.

It's a very rough draft, and I've been out of school for a few years, so my writing is weaker than it used to be. Is there a professional editing service I can send this to somewhere? My writing is weaker than it used to be after being out of school for almost three years and not having access to a lot of English books. I even got stuff published in newspapers and stuff at age 20...so it's really embarrassing.

I did French in college, and I'm reviewing for the interview. I think it's enough based on what I've heard.

Also, I have a hard time explaining why I would apply to law school in Canada, especially UofT, UBC, and McGill; perhaps, it's because I don't want to tell them the real reasons. 1) I'm afraid of the legal job market in the U.S. And my liberal arts major doesn't qualify me to do much else (besides military and ESL, which I'm obviously trying to get out of) and 2) I won't even post it on this board (though it's nothing about a criminal past, just to make that clear), and 3) I don't look forward to moving back to the U.S. for other, personal reasons...basically, nothing I want to tell them.

Any ideas for a plausible explanation?
Last edited by niederbomb on Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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niederbomb
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Re: Personal Statement

Postby niederbomb » Wed Nov 10, 2010 9:19 am

How's this for a good (and true) reason for Why McGill?

While my two years of international experience have prepared me to learn, adapt, and succeed at McGill, my background distinguishes me from my peers. I'm different from my rich colleagues because I grew up poor, and I'm different from other poor, rural "self-made men" in my country because I have lived in Asia and learned other languages. I do not wish to move back to a small, rural U.S. town because I think socializing solely with people just like me would be boring and prevent me from growing as a person. I want to study law, but I also want to continue my international career, perhaps by working for an institution like the United Nations or the International Criminal Court. Thus, I need a law degree with transnational applicability and reputation that will give me such options. Because of its dual civil law, common law curriculum and global acclaim, I will happily take a risk and choose McGill's LL.B/B.C.L over many prestigious law schools in the USA.

Saltqjibo
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Re: Right tone? Too much resume?

Postby Saltqjibo » Wed Nov 10, 2010 10:22 am

Play up the language thing for McGill. Just to be clear, you know the bilingualism is expected at McGill law (though how much thats actually true is debatable). You could say you want to master french etc.

For Toronto, I would talk about the diversity of toronto, it really is an incredibly unique city that way, and also the rep of U of T

For UBC talk about the west coast, nature etc.

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niederbomb
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Re: Right tone? Too much resume?

Postby niederbomb » Mon Nov 15, 2010 5:56 am

Holy Bump. I guess I have to submit it tomorrow.

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Nom Sawyer
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Re: Right tone? Too much resume?

Postby Nom Sawyer » Mon Nov 15, 2010 6:21 am

I'm different from my rich colleagues because I grew up poor, and I'm different from other poor, rural "self-made men" because I have lived in Asia and learned other languages. I do not wish to move back to a small, rural U.S. town because I think socializing solely with people just like me would be boring and prevent me from growing as a person.


This passage needs to be edited... in your PS you don't want to compare yourself to others (as was previously pointed out for another part) and you don't want to sound condescending towards regions/ types of people...

Instead focus completely on your personal strengths and SHOW them through your writing... Make it about how your passions/ abilities/ goals are tied up with your choice to go to law school at McGill or wherever else you choose.

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niederbomb
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Re: Right tone? Too much resume?

Postby niederbomb » Mon Nov 15, 2010 7:49 am

Quote:
I'm different from my rich colleagues because I grew up poor, and I'm different from other poor, rural "self-made men" because I have lived in Asia and learned other languages. I do not wish to move back to a small, rural U.S. town because I think socializing solely with people just like me would be boring and prevent me from growing as a person.


This passage needs to be edited... in your PS you don't want to compare yourself to others (as was previously pointed out for another part) and you don't want to sound condescending towards regions/ types of people...

Instead focus completely on your personal strengths and SHOW them through your writing... Make it about how your passions/ abilities/ goals are tied up with your choice to go to law school at McGill or wherever else you choose.


Removed.




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