First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Bearlegdairy
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First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Bearlegdairy » Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:44 pm

Here's my personal statement for the U
Last edited by Bearlegdairy on Mon Dec 01, 2014 8:19 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Kchuck
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Kchuck » Sat Nov 06, 2010 11:57 pm

I stopped reading after the first paragraph. If you can't capitalize President or Congress, you don't deserve to critique them.

Bearlegdairy
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Bearlegdairy » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:00 am

Well shoot. I get the
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djfe4president
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby djfe4president » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:07 am

never write about politics

Bearlegdairy
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Bearlegdairy » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:10 am

pssssssssssssssssss
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ifigotoschool
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby ifigotoschool » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:18 am

.
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plenipotentiary
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby plenipotentiary » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:28 am

My favorite part was when you said that you would be a "good" lawyer.

Scrap this. It is uninteresting and uninsightful. Write a PERSONAL statement, one that talks about who YOU are and paints you in a favorable light (so, not the one about how you don't love your family).

Bearlegdairy
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Bearlegdairy » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:31 am

Absolutely. I was pretty sure that this would be considered too political, and, well, that was confirmed pretty quickly. Basically I was trying to convey my knowledge of the issues, as that's mostly what I'm concerned with and I would like to convey a sense of objectivity and dispassionate professionalism. Clearly my first effort just wasn't the way to go about it. I'll try to make it more personal. Thanks for your input.

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3|ink
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby 3|ink » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:38 am

djfe4president wrote:never write about politics

Bearlegdairy
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Bearlegdairy » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:42 am

I'm removing all of the stuff about contemporary politics and trying to replace it with information about my personal character, but is it acceptable to keep the parts about the civil rights movement? I do believe that the effects of popular pressure are particularly relevant to environmental legislation, which I feel that I should write about given that I hope to go into environmental law. Or is all that a dead end and a deterrent to my being accepted?

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3|ink
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby 3|ink » Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:54 am

Bearlegdairy wrote:I'm removing all of the stuff about contemporary politics and trying to replace it with information about my personal character, but is it acceptable to keep the parts about the civil rights movement? I do believe that the effects of popular pressure are particularly relevant to environmental legislation, which I feel that I should write about given that I hope to go into environmental law. Or is all that a dead end and a deterrent to my being accepted?


I'm sure there's an adcom out there who has said 'If I had a dime for every time I read a personal statement about the civil rights movement...'

In other words, if you don't want your PS to stand out, the civil rights movement is a good idea.

Bearlegdairy
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Bearlegdairy » Sun Nov 07, 2010 1:05 am

3|ink wrote:
I'm sure there's an adcom out there who has said 'If I had a dime for every time I read a personal statement about the civil rights movement...'

In other words, if you don't want your PS to stand out, the civil rights movement is a good idea.


Aww noodles. I was worried about that as well. It sure is difficult writing a personal statement when you have no personality. In any case, I appreciate your help with what not to write about. I suppose I've had some life changing experiences at some point. I'll just have to dig deeper. Thanks.

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3|ink
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby 3|ink » Sun Nov 07, 2010 1:12 am

Bearlegdairy wrote:
3|ink wrote:
I'm sure there's an adcom out there who has said 'If I had a dime for every time I read a personal statement about the civil rights movement...'

In other words, if you don't want your PS to stand out, the civil rights movement is a good idea.


Aww noodles. I was worried about that as well. It sure is difficult writing a personal statement when you have no personality. In any case, I appreciate your help with what not to write about. I suppose I've had some life changing experiences at some point. I'll just have to dig deeper. Thanks.


Unfortunately, it's easier to be a critic than a creator. That is to say, it's easier to say what you shouldn't write about than what you should write about.

I'm sure you'll think of something. If there is one objective I can recommend, try and make your PS stand out from the rest.

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Kchuck
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Kchuck » Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:33 pm

Bearlegdairy wrote:Well shoot. I get the distinct impression that your critique would be INCREDIBLY helpful, especially considering you don't capitalize "the president".


You're wrong.

You were referencing George Bush directly, which makes it a proper noun and in need of capitalization. If you were just referencing the office, then it would not need capitalization. I apologize for coming across as a grammar douche. I was just trying to make a point, that you did not seem to take very well.

Edit: I also noticed you capitalized Congress on your original post. Nice.

Saltqjibo
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby Saltqjibo » Mon Nov 08, 2010 5:46 pm

A good rule of thumb is not to write about something that can make you look bad. Unless you know a hell of a lot about the civil rights movement (and something tells me you haven't studied it in the kind of nuanced detail necessary), I wouldn't write about it.

Source: American History major

krad
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Re: First draft of personal statement- UCLA 3.89 GPA, 160 LSAT.

Postby krad » Mon Nov 08, 2010 6:20 pm

3|ink wrote:
djfe4president wrote:never write about politics


One of the basic PS 'rules', I'm sorry to say!

Taken from the TLS PS Guide under Not to Dos: "6. Avoid controversial issues. Steer away from topics such as religion, political doctrines, or contentious issues. While you may be an outspoken critic of affirmative action or organized religion, the admissions committee may be offended by your views."

Thought I'd add some encouragement :D : Good luck, I'm sure if you dig deeper, as you said, you can find something a lot stronger! Write something more personal, as the others above me said. It is quite a challenge, this whole application process, but you can make it through.




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