How do I make this sentence easier to understand

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gin
Posts: 389
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2010 3:35 pm

How do I make this sentence easier to understand

Postby gin » Fri Nov 05, 2010 3:54 pm

This is the original sentence with the sentence that preceeds it:

Heraclitus once said that “opposition brings concord” and that “out of discord comes the greatest harmony.” This apparent paradox means that one, whether society or an individual, requires to be exposed to opposing views, and must be challenged in order to grow.

What I'm thinking of replacing it with is:

...that one's, whether a society's or an individual's, world views must be challenged for them to grow.

or

...that one, whether a society or an individual, must be exposed to views other than their own in order to grow.

or something else

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rinkrat19
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Re: How do I make this sentence easier to understand

Postby rinkrat19 » Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:21 pm

I'd leave out 'whether society or an individual'. It doesn't add anything essential, and cutting it would clean up the sentence a fair bit.

Also, did Heraclitus 'say' that or 'write' it? I'm betting it's a quote from his written works, yes? Be precise; use 'wrote.'

'Once' is unneccesary. Dude's been dead for like a million years. It doesn't have to be made clear that he wrote this quote once upon a time in the past.

Heraclitus wrote that “opposition brings concord” and that “out of discord comes the greatest harmony.” This apparent paradox means that one's world views must be challenged in order to grow.

(Also, personally, I prefer the one-word 'worldview' to 'world view,' but both are valid.)

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gin
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Re: How do I make this sentence easier to understand

Postby gin » Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:40 pm

I don't think there are any surviving writings from him (though I might be wrong), thats why I wrote "said".
Thanks a lot. I was really struggling with this particular sentence.

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rinkrat19
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Re: How do I make this sentence easier to understand

Postby rinkrat19 » Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:44 pm

gin wrote:I don't think there are any surviving writings from him (though I might be wrong), thats why I wrote "said".
Thanks a lot. I was really struggling with this particular sentence.


Oh, someone else wrote it down in their writings? 'Said' would be fine, then, if Person B is quoting H. Unless, of course, B is quoting a written work of H. :)

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starrydreamz3
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Re: How do I make this sentence easier to understand

Postby starrydreamz3 » Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:46 pm

gin wrote:This is the original sentence with the sentence that preceeds it:

Heraclitus once said that “opposition brings concord” and that “out of discord comes the greatest harmony.” This apparent paradox means that one, whether society or an individual, requires to be exposed to opposing views, and must be challenged in order to grow.

What I'm thinking of replacing it with is:

...that one's, whether a society's or an individual's, world views must be challenged for them to grow.

or

...that one, whether a society or an individual, must be exposed to views other than their own in order to grow.

or something else



Why not use something like this if you want to keep the individuals/society theme:

...that both the individual and society as a whole must be exposed to alternative world views in order to grow.

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gin
Posts: 389
Joined: Sat Oct 16, 2010 3:35 pm

Re: How do I make this sentence easier to understand

Postby gin » Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:59 pm

starrydreamz3 wrote:
gin wrote:This is the original sentence with the sentence that preceeds it:

Heraclitus once said that “opposition brings concord” and that “out of discord comes the greatest harmony.” This apparent paradox means that one, whether society or an individual, requires to be exposed to opposing views, and must be challenged in order to grow.

What I'm thinking of replacing it with is:

...that one's, whether a society's or an individual's, world views must be challenged for them to grow.

or

...that one, whether a society or an individual, must be exposed to views other than their own in order to grow.

or something else



Why not use something like this if you want to keep the individuals/society theme:

...that both the individual and society as a whole must be exposed to alternative world views in order to grow.


that's perfect. thanks




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