Paragraph Grammar Check

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mst
Posts: 925
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:01 am

Paragraph Grammar Check

Postby mst » Wed Nov 03, 2010 2:54 pm

Can somebody please check this paragraph for correct grammar? Particularly the part with the colon. I'm not sure if a "..." or "," or "(BLAH BLAH)" would make more sense...

Thirty minutes later, fresh Cubans, roast beef sandwiches, and Arroz Con Leche were passed around the table as the smell of cinnamon filled the air. I smiled as even the attorney gave in; at least until the client hinted that he would not mind finishing her rice pudding on her behalf. And for the next twenty minutes, as we paused to enjoy our food and some laughs, time seemed to stop. It was appreciation in practice.

WhirledWorld
Posts: 331
Joined: Wed Sep 22, 2010 11:04 am

Re: Paragraph Grammar Check

Postby WhirledWorld » Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:03 pm

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Last edited by WhirledWorld on Wed Jan 29, 2014 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mst
Posts: 925
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:01 am

Re: Paragraph Grammar Check

Postby mst » Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:08 pm

Thanks! So use the comma? Even if it's more correct I feel like a dash would be less awkward?

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s0ph1e2007
Posts: 1054
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2009 10:37 pm

Re: Paragraph Grammar Check

Postby s0ph1e2007 » Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:38 pm

mst wrote:Can somebody please check this paragraph for correct grammar? Particularly the part with the colon. I'm not sure if a "..." or "," or "(BLAH BLAH)" would make more sense...

Thirty minutes later, fresh Cubans, roast beef sandwiches, and Arroz Con Leche were passed around the table as the smell of cinnamon filled the air. I smiled as even the attorney gave in; at least until the client hinted that he would not mind finishing her rice pudding on her behalf. And for the next twenty minutes, as we paused to enjoy our food and some laughs, time seemed to stop. It was appreciation in practice.




The smell of cinnamon filled the air as Arroz Con Leceh, a Spanish rice dish, was passed around the table. [if you include the Cuban sandwiches and roast beef sandwiches in this then i think they're weird cinnamon sandwiches lol] I smiled as the lawyer seated next to me, hesitated for a moment, and then, with a laugh and a shrug, scooped himself a heaping bowl full. For the next half hour, timed seemed to stop as we threw off the anxiety of the day and simply enjoyed the food and one another's company. (it was appreciation in practice sounds weird. I haven't a clue what you mean).

mst
Posts: 925
Joined: Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:01 am

Re: Paragraph Grammar Check

Postby mst » Wed Nov 03, 2010 3:41 pm

Haha I appreciate the critique. I actually was laughing out loud, just because you wrote it so well but it would fit in terribly with what I've written so far. I should have included the entire essay :)




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