Why X Essay - CRITIQUE PLEASE!!!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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TT09
Posts: 371
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2010 3:40 pm

Why X Essay - CRITIQUE PLEASE!!!

Postby TT09 » Tue Nov 02, 2010 5:44 pm

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Last edited by TT09 on Tue Nov 02, 2010 6:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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s0ph1e2007
Posts: 1054
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2009 10:37 pm

Re: Why X Essay - CRITIQUE PLEASE!!!

Postby s0ph1e2007 » Tue Nov 02, 2010 5:48 pm

TT09 wrote:"My reason for applying to SSS goes deeper than just, “it has a great curriculum,” or, “its employment statistics are excellent.” While it certainly does boast both of these quality traits, I am applying to SSS because I want to have the honor and privilege to learn under the tutelage of Professor XXX, who is renowned for his work in the field of antitrust law, and who is the current Director of the SSS Institute for A, B, C & D.

I have spoken about working in the field of antitrust law for well over 5 years now. Because of the fantastic opportunity that presents itself at SSS, I believe it is, without a doubt, the best fit for me. Professor XXX, who has served as a consultant on various antitrust issues in sports, would give me my best chance at success in this field and would guide me in my transformation from law student to thriving member of the legal profession.

I suppose my keen interest for antitrust law was not acquired over night. I actually stumbled across a publication titled, “blah blah blah.” After reading it, I started contemplating some of the different messages it conveyed, such as how transactional costs prohibit club-run leagues from fully maximizing their profit potential, and how the idea of competition between expansions in leagues would probably be shot down because of the monopolistic tendencies of so many owners. These venturesome ideas really opened me up to another world that I knew very little about, yet initiated what would soon become my chief concentration regarding law. Who was the author of this challenging article that grabbed my attention so powerfully? Professor XXX.

Now, knowing that XXX is a professor at SSS Law, I immediately know where I wish to attend. Looking back, reading that publication built the framework for my interest in antitrust law and is the main reason why I hope to learn under such an esteemed individual. I just hope that I am granted the chance to attend such a revered and admired law school."


So you 1. sound a little robotic, and 2. need to give more/more convincing/persuasive reasons that you want to go to this school than one professor. Definitely.
Dont just tell them they're awesome either. They probably think they're awesome. Tell them why you're particular life experience made you partiuclarly interest in something that they have to offer.


coming from a small town and small family, a small community is exceedingly important to me in choosing a law school where i will feel comfortable and thrive etc. blah blah blah




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