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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Blindc1rca
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Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2010 6:11 pm

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Postby Blindc1rca » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:05 am

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Last edited by Blindc1rca on Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:35 am, edited 2 times in total.

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plenipotentiary
Posts: 616
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:13 pm

Re: Yale 250 hit me with your judgment arrows

Postby plenipotentiary » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:10 am

Blindc1rca wrote:Let me know what you think. No holds barred!
My main fears are that it is inane, dirty, and altogether unworthy of 100 seconds of a Yale professor's time.

Here goes:

I met up with Euceda on the stinky river bridge. She had been raving since I met her about the glory of Chinese food in Honduras. I was skeptical. We went to an extravagantly decorated restaurant and I started to quiver. I had 131 Lempiras (roughly $6.90) in my pocket, and this place seemed far too fancy. I'm talking a fountain with glowing coy frolicking in its artificial bubblery, a glass façade with wide plexiglas doors, and even cloth on the tables. "Say what?" I said.
They said "¿Mande?"
I'm used to chickens and dogs duking it out on my dirt floor while ants and flies duke it out my terracotta plate. This place was too much, but regarding the price it was just enough. 95Lps purchased a dish with no less than twelve generously weighed pounds of fried rice with shrimp, beef, chicken and veggies. Euceda and I ate as much as we could, but still half remained. Luckily there were some glue-sniffers loitering out front, unperturbed by the heavy downpour (I don't know why I saw this as odd), who received the remainder of the meal with a surprisingly coherent "suuuper buena onnnnnnda." After eating I couldn't poop for three days, and even then it took two large green mangoes and a bottle of Phillips Milk of Magnesia to force an exodus. It also caused me to experience my first non-alcohol related hang-over (and my second).


You are correct: it is dirty and inane. Also, twelve pounds of rice? And you ate half? So, you ate three pounds of rice each?

WayBryson
Posts: 179
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:24 pm

Re: Yale 250 hit me with your judgment arrows

Postby WayBryson » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:21 am

I don't think this essay will help you for a couple of reasons:

1) The essay is largely a descriptive piece, but the writing isn't stellar. The only advantage in writing a descriptive piece for the 250 would be in showcasing your writing abilities (the 250 is obstensibly meant for this purpose), and they don't come off too well here.

2) I don't see how this essay will help round out the rest of your application. Surely, the fact that you have been abroad will appear on your resume, so nothing new is being said about yourself. If this essay highlighted more of your personality, or if it demonstrated some character traits then things might be different. Should you keep with this theme, then I would alter it along those lines.

Anyway, these were my impressons. Good luck with the application :-) I am a Yale hopeful as well.

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Blindc1rca
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Joined: Sun Aug 22, 2010 6:11 pm

Re: _

Postby Blindc1rca » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:37 am

shit. got the gist of the commentary, decided to take the thread down and get back to work on the essay, but instead just deleted the OP. anyone know how to delete a thread... if possible?

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paratactical
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Re: _

Postby paratactical » Tue Nov 02, 2010 11:38 am

Blindc1rca wrote:shit. got the gist of the commentary, decided to take the thread down and get back to work on the essay, but instead just deleted the OP. anyone know how to delete a thread... if possible?


No way to delete threads once they've been responded to.




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