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help with one sentence!!
Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:21 am
by csoloski
Is this sentence okay grammatically?
My desire to become a lawyer, though nursed through my relationship with my father, helped me to see that I had to create an image of myself that was different from that of my father’s in order to pursue my goal.
Re: help with one sentence!!
Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:30 am
by Eugenie Danglars
The grammar is ok.
Would you like opinions on other areas?
Re: help with one sentence!!
Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:35 am
by csoloski
yes
Re: help with one sentence!!
Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:40 am
by Eugenie Danglars
Semantically, the sentence is hard to follow. It's technically correct, but I had to read it twice slowly to get the meaning. Try breaking it into two sentences
Re: help with one sentence!!
Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:05 am
by cinephile
csoloski wrote:My desire to become a lawyer, though nursed through my relationship with my father, helped me to see that I had to create an image of myself that was different from that of my father’s an independent self-imagein order to pursue my goal.
How about something like that? It'd be less wordy.