help with one sentence!!

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csoloski
Posts: 94
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 8:54 am

help with one sentence!!

Postby csoloski » Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:21 am

Is this sentence okay grammatically?
My desire to become a lawyer, though nursed through my relationship with my father, helped me to see that I had to create an image of myself that was different from that of my father’s in order to pursue my goal.

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Eugenie Danglars
Posts: 2353
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:04 pm

Re: help with one sentence!!

Postby Eugenie Danglars » Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:30 am

The grammar is ok.

Would you like opinions on other areas?

csoloski
Posts: 94
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 8:54 am

Re: help with one sentence!!

Postby csoloski » Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:35 am

yes

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Eugenie Danglars
Posts: 2353
Joined: Wed Jul 07, 2010 12:04 pm

Re: help with one sentence!!

Postby Eugenie Danglars » Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:40 am

Semantically, the sentence is hard to follow. It's technically correct, but I had to read it twice slowly to get the meaning. Try breaking it into two sentences :-)

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cinephile
Posts: 3469
Joined: Sun Jul 18, 2010 3:50 pm

Re: help with one sentence!!

Postby cinephile » Sun Oct 31, 2010 9:05 am

csoloski wrote:My desire to become a lawyer, though nursed through my relationship with my father, helped me to see that I had to create an image of myself that was different from that of my father’s an independent self-imagein order to pursue my goal.


How about something like that? It'd be less wordy.




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