Quick Comma Question

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amissionsix
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Quick Comma Question

Postby amissionsix » Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:15 am

Quick comma related question. The part in question is bold. Should this sentence be either:

1) When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused, yet open mind, and plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact.

2) When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused, yet open, mind and plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact.

3) When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused, yet open, mind, and plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact.

I'm thinking # 1, but someone who edited my statement recommended # 2. Thanks!

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plenipotentiary
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Re: Quick Comma Question

Postby plenipotentiary » Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:22 am

4. Two sentences. Use "but" instead of "yet."

When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused but open mind. I plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact.

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homestyle28
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Re: Quick Comma Question

Postby homestyle28 » Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:25 am

amissionsix wrote:Quick comma related question. The part in question is bold. Should this sentence be either:

1) When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused, yet open mind, and plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact.

2) When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused, yet open, mind and plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact.

3) When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused, yet open, mind, and plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact.

I'm thinking # 1, but someone who edited my statement recommended # 2. Thanks!


Commas are slippery things. I vote #2. You are trying to say that your mind will be both focused and open, #2 does that. #1 suggests you'll have a focused plan and an open mind. #3 is just wrong.
plenipotentiary wrote:4. Two sentences. Use "but" instead of "yet."
I don't think you should oppose focus to open-mindedness:

"When I begin studying next fall, I will approach law school with a focused and open mind. I plan to fully involve myself with one or more student organizations where I hope to once again make a lasting impact."

AP-375
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Re: Quick Comma Question

Postby AP-375 » Fri Oct 29, 2010 10:26 am

I choose #4: "with a focused yet open mind, and plan..."
Since "yet" is a conjunction, I don't really think you need a comma or three here.

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plenipotentiary
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Re: Quick Comma Question

Postby plenipotentiary » Fri Oct 29, 2010 11:01 am

homestyle28 wrote:
amissionsix wrote:I don't think you should oppose focus to open-mindedness


Good point! I like "and" better, too.




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