Diversity Statement first draft

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FuturePrez
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Diversity Statement first draft

Postby FuturePrez » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:14 am

Diversity Statement

At first, employment in multiple jobs as a 16 year old was necessitated by the financial hardship of my parents’ divorce. At the time, I was going to a catholic high school and if I wanted to continue my enrollment that meant I would have to shoulder a hefty chunk of my tuition. My first job was the typical retail job at a sporting goods store. But work has been more than just a means to a paycheck; it largely informed who I am and the diversity I will bring to your institution.
Since that first job, I have worked as a Best Buy computer associate, a member of the Geek Squad, a network engineer, driver and salesmen for an exotic car company, a waiter, a public advocate for higher education, a residential advisor at my university, a Johnson and Johnson Information Technology Intern, a Johnson and Johnson Operations Compliance Co-Op, an assistant project manager to the deployment of a warehouse management system in Memphis, Tennessee, a policy intern on Capitol Hill and a student.
Each of these employment opportunities have exposed me to some of the most fascinating and sometimes raw experiences of vastly different industries. It has required me to broaden my perspectives and my understandings about various processes, and standards to effectively overcome challenges. Since my first job, I have solved very interesting problems. Some problems were simple tasks such as fitting a certain amount of merchandise into a limited space or setting up a wireless network. Other problems involved more complexity such as planning the logistics for delivering ten $150,000 six hundred and forty horsepower investments to a showroom floor or reconciling a production cycle to adhere to FDA regulations on the shipment of controlled substances.
Despite the assumption that work at an early age is unfortunate or, in my case, bizarre, I see it as a blessing. I have acquired in depth exposure to a number of industries at a relatively young age. Furthermore, this process has not only helped vet out a number of industries I would never like to work in again, it has solidified my choice to pursue a career in law. From retail, to car sales, to public advocacy and pharmaceuticals, I have found that I am an excellent troubleshooter and that by actually working in these fields, I have learned much about the ways in which regulations and laws affect various businesses. But I have also realized that diversity emerges from the most unlikely of circumstances. For others, it may be the adversities of life, or their cultures, but for me, it has largely been informed by my work.


Let me know what you think...

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ArchRoark
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby ArchRoark » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:20 am

A large part of it reads as resume regurgitation.

My first job was the typical retail job at a sporting goods store. But work has been more than just a means to a paycheck; it largely informed who I am and the diversity I will bring to your institution.


Hefty statement that you do not back up. I read the entire thing hoping that you would return to that revelation.

FuturePrez
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby FuturePrez » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:48 am

I was thinking about putting a specific example of my encounter with diversity in the workplace and what it taught me, I would put it right before the last paragraph, I am going to attempt to backup my statement of the diversity i will bring to the institution.

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JenDarby
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby JenDarby » Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:49 am

I lost interest after the second job in your long list. No need to name EVERY job, especially when some are within the same company. If you are committed to doing it, maybe just list out a few general fields of work rather than each job.

FuturePrez
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby FuturePrez » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:03 am

JenDarby wrote:I lost interest after the second job in your long list. No need to name EVERY job, especially when some are within the same company. If you are committed to doing it, maybe just list out a few general fields of work rather than each job.


Darn, it gets really interested when I mention I drove and sold exotic cars...if you don't think thats cool then you're just lying to yourself ;)

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bk1
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby bk1 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:10 am

1. Show don't tell. You need to learn to do this in your writing.

2. I don't think having a bunch of different random jobs really brings diversity.

FuturePrez
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby FuturePrez » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:11 am

Neither does being a poor, white, male but who knew?

Its as diverse as I can get, and I would say work teaches more about diversity than any collegiate institution.

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bk1
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby bk1 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:17 am

FuturePrez wrote:Neither does being a poor, white, male but who knew?

Its as diverse as I can get, and I would say work teaches more about diversity than any collegiate institution.


It was a pain in the ass to read your statement, but after reading it closely (which I really didn't do the first time) if you really want to write a DS then I would focus more on the "working and supporting myself since 16" and less on the "I have had some really different jobs." A sort of SES DS.

Side Rant: I don't understand why people try so hard to write DS's. I mean in your case I can actually see a legitimate shot of having a decent one (this one isn't it) but some people just try so hard to write a DS and it's not like it really matters if you don't submit one considering numbers >>>>>>>>>>>>> everything else.

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JenDarby
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby JenDarby » Thu Oct 28, 2010 3:37 am

Darn, it gets really interested when I mention I drove and sold exotic cars...if you don't think thats cool then you're just lying to yourself


It just so happens an ex-boyfriend of mine worked at a car customs shop, and did exactly that!

I think if you mentioned a few just to highlight the point it would be fine, just not so long of a list.

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ArchRoark
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby ArchRoark » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:17 am

bk1 wrote:if you really want to write a DS then I would focus more on the "working and supporting myself since 16"

But he wasn't supporting himself in the sense of working for food/shelter etc... he was working so he could keep going to a private high school, which to me, sounds a bit douchey when you compare that to those that have had to work (many from a much younger age) to put food on their on table.

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homestyle28
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby homestyle28 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:25 am

FuturePrez wrote:Its as diverse as I can get, and I would say work teaches more about diversity than any collegiate institution.


There's alot to be said for straight forward writing. If your job history is the most diverse thing about you, then I would start the DS with a sentence that says exactly that. To me, your first draft read as much to verbally embellished. I would start:

"The diversity that I will bring to [awesome law school] stems from my unique and extensive employment history..."

or something like that.

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bk1
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Re: Diversity Statement first draft

Postby bk1 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 4:59 pm

Tiva wrote:But he wasn't supporting himself in the sense of working for food/shelter etc... he was working so he could keep going to a private high school, which to me, sounds a bit douchey when you compare that to those that have had to work (many from a much younger age) to put food on their on table.


Hmm, guess I didn't really read it carefully enough.

I am going back to thinking this seems like a pretentious DS. I don't think it's the worst DS idea I've read but it isn't great and I think it could hurt. Most of this stuff will be on your resume, if the adcomms think that makes you diverse let them draw that conclusion themselves. Since you are still struggling with your PS I would definitely shelf doing a DS.




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