late night rough draft...let me have it.

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humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:11 am

It is a strange thing to schedule a fight. Knowing that, in a few short weeks, you’ll be expected to show up ready to exchange blows with a stranger. The physical preparation is the easy part. What is tough is proceeding despite the rational inner-voice that tells one to avoid fisticuffs at all costs. As the date of my first fight got closer, I became sick with anxiety. Convinced that I was too smart to have got myself into such a situation, I could easily summon a dozen believable excuses as to why I should pull out from the fight. But there was a drive in me that needed to see this thing through. No matter how ugly it got. No matter how ugly I got (which was a big fear considering the likelihood I would be punched repeatedly in face during the event). I had to know if I was a fighter.

At 25 years old, I had never been in a fight. Never been in a street fight, never been in a bar brawl, nothing. Ever. I’ve had numerous chances to sucker punch some poor fellow, but my affable personality and my natural inclination to avoid jail-time have usually served me well in diffusing potential hostilities. However, I have had a lifelong interest in combat sports and martial arts. The big attraction was the ultra-competitive aspect of fighting as well as the emphasis on individual excellence. I can trace my competitiveness back to Pee-Wee wrestling. I started wrestling at five years old, goaded on by my collegiate state-champion father. I lost my first wrestling match, but won every subsequent match until I stopped wrestling my Sophomore year of high school. Excellence on the mat was expected and earned. My father would force me to wrestle with him without any easing up. I would desperately push and pull at an arm or a leg in a futile effort to overcome the 30-year age difference and the 150 pounds of weight he had on me. Maybe my dad was a bit of a bully, or maybe he was on to something. Even though in the days and hours before a match I would feel sick with butterflies, I always showed up ready to wrestle, ready to win, and convinced I could win.

While in college I took up mixed martial arts. Also known by its more sinister and trashy moniker: cage fighting. (To the uninitiated, mixed martial arts is a regulated combat sport that employs boxing, kickboxing, wrestling and judo and often occurs inside a caged ring.) Much like wrestling as a kid, I was drawn to competitive nature of martial arts training and I liked to delude myself that maybe one day I would take a fight. Well, it seems that one can only train for so long before the lure of the real thing outshines the verisimilitude of sparring. As strange as it may sound, I wanted to know how I would react in a fight. Would I wilt, or would I press through the discomfort and come out the other side? And that easy, it was decided: I would fight.

As one of a rare breed—a cage fighting philosophy major—I can say that my unique perspective has allowed me to see a fundamental connection between fighting and what I believe will lead me to success in and after law school. The only factor I have control over in a fight is how prepared I am. When I fight, I enter the ring by myself. Behind me in my corner, I have those who have trained and educated me for this moment, but inside the ring it is only myself that wins or loses. The effort that is put into training is what pays off on fight night. This is the same attitude that I will bring to the legal profession. I prepare like I am going to be in a fight because I am proud to say that I am a fighter.




I know it is chock full of errors and other problems but I am just looking to know if I am on the right track or should I abort and start anew?

be harsh...I can take it.

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thesybarite
Posts: 108
Joined: Thu Aug 19, 2010 7:35 pm

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby thesybarite » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:19 am

Here's a couple of thoughts - just my unqualified opinion as an 0L though, so don't take it too seriously.

I'd really like to read more about the law, or how you think the tenacity you developped through wrestling has birthed in you a desire to work in law. If this is indeed what you are endeavouring to communicate.

Secondly - I don't like wrestling/fighting. Of course this is HIGHLY subjective, but it's possible that your adcomm will like it even less than I do. It just makes it a tough read - maybe it's something to consider.

I think making reference to the wrestling is good, it's you, and I think it could be the basis for a strong metaphor.

Just my 2 cents - hope it's vaguely helpful.

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:23 am

I was worried wrestling/fighting would fall flat among some adcomms. Most adcomms. Unless fighting suddenly took on a less beer-belly, drunken idiot image. I was a bit hesitant to go with this because of that stigma...

I thought with the right touch it could be done...but now Im second guessing.
thanks for the advice.

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StillHerexxx
Posts: 325
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Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby StillHerexxx » Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:28 am

I am not sure if its a good topic to base your whole PS on. It says you are willing to fight, but doesn't really express anything else about you.

I assume you box as well? I would talk about boxing some along with other non-fighting things, because boxing is seen as a more gentlemans sport--rather than ignorant people booing you because you hae someone in guard and aren't dropping elbows, boxing is respectful in the ring and in the stands. (UFC destroyed mixed martial arts, pride had the respect).

Also, I think you might find fighting will be a turn off for adcomms. They want someone that is going to come into their school and make them look good in the future, they could worry about your health and chances of injury (especially with all the concussion info going on in the world now).

I don't know if thats helpful. I love boxing and mixed martial arts myself and have trained a bit in various forms, but I have about 8 concussions on my resume, so I try to keep the brain trauma to a minimum.

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:40 am

I don't fight any longer...Im too busy with work. And I understand where you are coming from with boxing, I had considered making that adjustment to the PS so that I could avoid any association with the brutality of mma. But my wife suggested I try it this way first.

thanks.

AUC2MIC
Posts: 20
Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:03 pm

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby AUC2MIC » Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:45 am

MMA might be a risky topic... And the stuff about law school at the end seems a bit forced

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gdane
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Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby gdane » Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:47 am

I laughed at this. I can literally see you fighting with your books while trying to study.

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:48 am

yeah...the end of the PS started to get pretty rough as it got later. So the consensus seems to be that writing about MMA is probably a risk not worth the reward.

shit.

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gdane
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Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby gdane » Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:49 am

humean wrote:yeah...the end of the PS started to get pretty rough as it got later. So the consensus seems to be that writing about MMA is probably a risk not worth the reward.

shit.

Not necessarily. Think about it. What are your strengths (not physical)? What did you gain from MMA (besides fighting skills)?

The point of a PS is to illustrate your strengths and tie those into how you would fare as a law student. You can do it.

Good luck!

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:53 am

gdane5 wrote:
humean wrote:yeah...the end of the PS started to get pretty rough as it got later. So the consensus seems to be that writing about MMA is probably a risk not worth the reward.

shit.

Not necessarily. Think about it. What are your strengths (not physical)? What did you gain from MMA (besides fighting skills)?

The point of a PS is to illustrate your strengths and tie those into how you would fare as a law student. You can do it.

Good luck!


so maybe a little more elaboration on the non-fighting skills gained....and probably clean up a whole lot of the language, especially the conclusion? noted.

thanks for the input.

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plenipotentiary
Posts: 616
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:13 pm

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby plenipotentiary » Wed Oct 27, 2010 11:56 am

humean wrote:It is a strange thing to schedule a fight. Knowing that, in a few short weeks, you’ll be expected to show up ready to exchange blows with a stranger. The physical preparation is the easy part. What is tough is proceeding despite the rational inner-voice that tells one to avoid fisticuffs at all costs. As the date of my first fight got closer, I became sick with anxiety. Convinced that I was too smart to have got myself into such a situation, I could easily summon a dozen believable excuses as to why I should pull out from the fight. But there was a drive in me that needed to see this thing through. No matter how ugly it got. No matter how ugly I got (which was a big fear considering the likelihood I would be punched repeatedly in face during the event). I had to know if I was a fighter.

At 25 years old, I had never been in a fight. Never been in a street fight, never been in a bar brawl, nothing. Ever. I’ve had numerous chances to sucker punch some poor fellow, but my affable personality and my natural inclination to avoid jail-time have usually served me well in diffusing potential hostilities. However, I have had a lifelong interest in combat sports and martial arts. The big attraction was the ultra-competitive aspect of fighting as well as the emphasis on individual excellence. I can trace my competitiveness back to Pee-Wee wrestling. I started wrestling at five years old, goaded on by my collegiate state-champion father. I lost my first wrestling match, but won every subsequent match until I stopped wrestling my Sophomore year of high school. Excellence on the mat was expected and earned. My father would force me to wrestle with him without any easing up. I would desperately push and pull at an arm or a leg in a futile effort to overcome the 30-year age difference and the 150 pounds of weight he had on me. Maybe my dad was a bit of a bully, or maybe he was on to something. Even though in the days and hours before a match I would feel sick with butterflies, I always showed up ready to wrestle, ready to win, and convinced I could win.

While in college I took up mixed martial arts. Also known by its more sinister and trashy moniker: cage fighting. (To the uninitiated, mixed martial arts is a regulated combat sport that employs boxing, kickboxing, wrestling and judo and often occurs inside a caged ring.) Much like wrestling as a kid, I was drawn to competitive nature of martial arts training and I liked to delude myself that maybe one day I would take a fight. Well, it seems that one can only train for so long before the lure of the real thing outshines the verisimilitude of sparring. As strange as it may sound, I wanted to know how I would react in a fight. Would I wilt, or would I press through the discomfort and come out the other side? And that easy, it was decided: I would fight.

As one of a rare breed—a cage fighting philosophy major—I can say that my unique perspective has allowed me to see a fundamental connection between fighting and what I believe will lead me to success in and after law school. The only factor I have control over in a fight is how prepared I am. When I fight, I enter the ring by myself. Behind me in my corner, I have those who have trained and educated me for this moment, but inside the ring it is only myself that wins or loses. The effort that is put into training is what pays off on fight night. This is the same attitude that I will bring to the legal profession. I prepare like I am going to be in a fight because I am proud to say that I am a fighter.




I know it is chock full of errors and other problems but I am just looking to know if I am on the right track or should I abort and start anew?

be harsh...I can take it.


You are a really good writer. This is funny and interesting. Anna Ivey advises "playing against type" in your PS, and I think this a perfect example of that. I don't see the topic as a big risk; AdComms don't have to share your hobbies to like you, and this PS is very likable.

More nitpicky stuff: I would cut or complete the sentence fragments ("Never been in a street fight, never been in a bar brawl, nothing. Ever."). I would also cut the last line -- it sounds a little too much like a Christina Aguilera song.

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:25 pm

I thought it came off a bit sappy at the end there. Christina indeed.

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plenipotentiary
Posts: 616
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:13 pm

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby plenipotentiary » Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:30 pm

humean wrote:I thought it came off a bit sappy at the end there. Christina indeed.


A little sap is okay. It worked for me until the last line.

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:51 pm

plenipotentiary wrote:
humean wrote:I thought it came off a bit sappy at the end there. Christina indeed.


A little sap is okay. It worked for me until the last line.


The whole last paragraph is a little choppy. The last line must go away.
Also...is the length okay? Could it stand another paragraph?

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plenipotentiary
Posts: 616
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:13 pm

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby plenipotentiary » Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:55 pm

humean wrote:
plenipotentiary wrote:
humean wrote:I thought it came off a bit sappy at the end there. Christina indeed.


A little sap is okay. It worked for me until the last line.


The whole last paragraph is a little choppy. The last line must go away.
Also...is the length okay? Could it stand another paragraph?


The length is fine. Most people struggle to cut down their PS!

But you might want to mention how the fight went. There's all this build up, and it leaves the reader curious. You don't need descriptions of punching people in the face or anything.

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:08 pm

plenipotentiary wrote:
humean wrote:
plenipotentiary wrote:
humean wrote:I thought it came off a bit sappy at the end there. Christina indeed.


A little sap is okay. It worked for me until the last line.


The whole last paragraph is a little choppy. The last line must go away.
Also...is the length okay? Could it stand another paragraph?


The length is fine. Most people struggle to cut down their PS!

But you might want to mention how the fight went. There's all this build up, and it leaves the reader curious. You don't need descriptions of punching people in the face or anything.


Thanks. I lost my first fight btw. Got choked-out after pummeling the other dude for 2 rounds. But I fought another few times and won all those. I couldn't go out 0-1

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:09 pm

Bump

humean
Posts: 15
Joined: Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:04 am

Re: late night rough draft...let me have it.

Postby humean » Thu Oct 28, 2010 3:33 am

.




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