Life changing criminal PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
190
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Life changing criminal PS

Postby 190 » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:03 pm

See updated version below
Last edited by 190 on Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby CGI Fridays » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:20 pm

I'll trade you:

You tell us how much weed & cash was in your possession at the time (not to be confused with how much was found, or how much was at the house, unless the answers are identical).

I do line editing.
& someone else puts up the willingness to contribute larger structural commentary etc.

justadude55
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby justadude55 » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:25 pm

from my research into the PS (which was extensive), don't do this.

you are going to be known as the pot kid. you have your addendum for this.

let the PS focus on your positives.

i know your plan is to totally show that your arrest should not influence their decision, but this will only make it factor in more so because these people with much more experience than me will def be able to read into it.

seriously, don't submit this as your PS.

1000king4ward
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby 1000king4ward » Wed Oct 27, 2010 1:26 am

I dont know.. I'm new to this too and am in the process of writing my PS but I think you did a good job..

FTS
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby FTS » Wed Oct 27, 2010 1:29 am

1000king4ward wrote:I dont know.. I'm new to this too and am in the process of writing my PS but I think you did a good job..


yeah, i liked it too. You got around sounding like the usual pothead giving a lame "i learned from my experience". How many peeps are gonna have a story like this too?

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby CGI Fridays » Wed Oct 27, 2010 3:29 am

FTS wrote:yeah, i liked it too. You got around sounding like the usual pothead giving a lame "i learned from my experience". How many peeps are gonna have a story like this too?

I haven't read it yet (srsly holding out for my deal), but for what it's worth, justadude thinks... you know what I'm just gonna quote it:

Edit: justadude55 has asked me to delete the quote.
Last edited by CGI Fridays on Wed Oct 27, 2010 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

justadude55
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby justadude55 » Wed Oct 27, 2010 7:48 am

CGI Fridays wrote:
FTS wrote:yeah, i liked it too. You got around sounding like the usual pothead giving a lame "i learned from my experience". How many peeps are gonna have a story like this too?

I haven't read it yet (srsly holding out for my deal), but for what it's worth, justadude thinks... you know what I'm just gonna quote it:

Regarding a 2-state solution
justadude55 wrote:palestinians can even reserve the right to kill all jews on their territory and continue killing citizens by law if they sell land to jews. however, if they kill one jew, muslim, christian or pagan in israeli land, israel reserves the right to occupy the land and take it over until the palestinians indicate they are capable of functioning in a mature fashion.


Take his word if you want, or don't... in which case... offer's still on the table... fuuuuull liiiiiiine ediiiiiiit.

you're an idiot. palestinians already kill jews on palestinian property, and are allowed to legally. i'm against the killing of anybody, but to expect the palestinians to be capable of not killing non-muslims will make a peace agreement impossible. as someone who has spent much time in israel, all i ask is that they try to not enter into foreign countries to kill non-muslims.

190
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby 190 » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:20 am

CGI you've got mail.

In terms of this topic, I won't be changing it. It meshes perfectly with my addendum/transcript/resume to become, in my opinion, very powerful. When combined they become an excellent narrative of this experience with the addenda pushing to the PS/resume/transcript and the PS pushing to the resume/transcript also.

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby CGI Fridays » Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:22 pm

Edit:
Deleted per OP's request.
Last edited by CGI Fridays on Sat Oct 30, 2010 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby CGI Fridays » Wed Oct 27, 2010 6:24 pm

Shit, I totally forgot length. This is 3 full pages double-spaced @ 11 font.

Aaaaagh. Some schools don't have limits, some do. Generally 2 pages is the standard.

190
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby 190 » Wed Oct 27, 2010 9:21 pm

Applications submitted
Last edited by 190 on Sat Oct 30, 2010 8:14 am, edited 4 times in total.

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby CGI Fridays » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:07 pm

190 wrote:I made some of the changes you suggested, thanks for the help CGI, if you could just quickly proof it that would be great.


Can you change the color of the parts that have been revised?

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acfair
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby acfair » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:10 pm

"set my sights" not "set my sites"

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CGI Fridays
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby CGI Fridays » Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:12 pm

acfair wrote:"set my sights" not "set my sites"

I was like :shock: but I checked & this was originally correct until this last draft. Good catch.

190
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby 190 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 7:43 am

Thanks for catching that, I'll highlight what I changed. Also CGI if you could edit/delete out the copy of it you posted above that would be great.

190
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby 190 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 8:47 am

:mrgreen:
Last edited by 190 on Thu Oct 28, 2010 3:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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acfair
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby acfair » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:01 am

also, why is Crestfallen capitalized? Is this related to the toothpaste?

I also have chopped up this sentence and rearranged, because it was super awkward.

There was no magical Disney moment accompanied by orchestra music and fireworks, but topics we discussed in class, such as government intervention in the market and the risks of accepting venture capital funding, steadily piqued my interest.

190
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby 190 » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:19 am

Thanks acfair!

I must have copy/pasted when I was searching for synonyms for crushed last night.

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longdaysjourney
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Re: Life changing criminal PS

Postby longdaysjourney » Thu Oct 28, 2010 9:33 am

Condense this to one page and make it a criminal conduct addendum.




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