Intro paragraph for overcoming PS

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Intro paragraph for overcoming PS

Postby mteevin » Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:32 pm

My PS is going to focus on overcoming mental illness and emerging from it a better, stronger person. Please read what I have drafted for the introductory paragraph and let me know if you think it is suitable.

Some people just "know". Who they are, their place in the world, their plan for the future. They can't explain how they know, they just do -- they always have. Others take a far more convoluted, meandering path through life before finally arriving at that moment where they can say, finally, that they too "know". I fall into the latter group, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Re: Intro paragraph for overcoming PS

Postby tourdeforcex » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:56 pm

it could work if the entire piece is good.

thus far, i have some stylistic qualms: like using "know" in quotations twice. having a second sentence be a fragment. use of convoluted and meandering to modify path: what is the difference between convoluted and meandering? and since your path is convoluted and meandering, how are you a better person from it? and how does that make you a good law school applicant?

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