would love some feedback on my personal statement

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amg131s
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:31 pm

would love some feedback on my personal statement

Postby amg131s » Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:57 pm

deleted
Last edited by amg131s on Wed Oct 27, 2010 5:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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nataliejane38
Posts: 48
Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:19 pm

Re: would love some feedback on my personal statement

Postby nataliejane38 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 9:28 pm

Not crap, it's very good. I really like the intro paragraph and how you tie it in to your desire to practice family law at the end.
However, I am not really getting the connection between the abandonment/ adoption and how that was responsible for your subsequent resiliency? Also the last line is not very good, it sounds like something you would write on a job cover letter.

amg131s
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:31 pm

Re: would love some feedback on my personal statement

Postby amg131s » Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:27 am

well thank you. i think you're right about both points.

any other thoughts?

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crysmissmichelle
Posts: 399
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:39 am

Re: would love some feedback on my personal statement

Postby crysmissmichelle » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:34 am

I agree that it is very good. It leaves the reader feeling very bothered by the situation. I agree about nixing the last sentence though.

amg131s
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 8:31 pm

Re: would love some feedback on my personal statement

Postby amg131s » Tue Oct 26, 2010 4:09 pm

crysmissmichelle wrote:I agree that it is very good. It leaves the reader feeling very bothered by the situation. I agree about nixing the last sentence though.


bothered in a good way i hope? i'm hoping to be memorable and at the same time convey a true passion for the study of law given my background.

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crysmissmichelle
Posts: 399
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:39 am

Re: would love some feedback on my personal statement

Postby crysmissmichelle » Tue Oct 26, 2010 9:24 pm

Yes, bothered in a memorable way.




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