Looking for some opinions :-)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
nycdreamer89
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 4:41 pm

Looking for some opinions :-)

Postby nycdreamer89 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:23 pm

...
Last edited by nycdreamer89 on Thu Feb 03, 2011 12:46 am, edited 2 times in total.

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gdane
Posts: 12423
Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 2:41 pm

Re: Looking for some opinions :-)

Postby gdane » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:33 pm

Wow! This is great! I was read the whole thing without getting bored. Thats a positive.

What I would recommend is that you go more in detail as to why X schools is a good fit for you. If youre just going to throw that sentence in there without giving any substantial reason, dont put it in. It would be a lot stronger if you mention a specific program or something else that ties the school to your passion.

Also, give specific instances for these statements: "I’ve advocated for special needs students to receive the services that they deserve, and I’ve represented constituents in order to provide them with appropriate health benefits. I’ve campaigned for racial equality".

Finally, go more into detail about what you would personally bring to the law school. Do you feel that you would bring determination? Do you feel you would bring "real world experiences"? Mention a positive asset of yours that would benefit the school.

Overall, this is a very good statement that does a great job of captivating the reader. Just add some details.

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crysmissmichelle
Posts: 399
Joined: Thu Oct 08, 2009 8:39 am

Re: Looking for some opinions :-)

Postby crysmissmichelle » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:42 pm

You need to edit out the name of the school, the parent and the child for posting online.

nycdreamer89
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 4:41 pm

Re: Looking for some opinions :-)

Postby nycdreamer89 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:43 pm

names are already edited, forgot to edit the name of the school. thank you!

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cardinals03
Posts: 62
Joined: Wed Jun 09, 2010 4:04 pm

Re: Looking for some opinions :-)

Postby cardinals03 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:45 pm

I spent the entire afternoon and night pouring over legislation and recent cases that might prevent their deportation.


Should be poring---I made the same mistake the other day :D

nycdreamer89
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Jan 16, 2009 4:41 pm

Re: Looking for some opinions :-)

Postby nycdreamer89 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:00 pm

Good catch, lol. Thank you!




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