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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mrr111
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:53 pm

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Postby mrr111 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 10:38 am

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Last edited by mrr111 on Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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chrissyc
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: PS Possibly my final draft??

Postby chrissyc » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:43 am

mrr111 wrote:I was introduced to the legal system at the age of three in the form of family court: mother versus father. For my family, the custody battle was an annual event, similar to birthdays or Christmas, only with a downbeat tone. As a child, I did not understand the legal system; only that my parents went to court every year. My parents were the pinnacle (change to "epitome")of two adults unable to communicate even about something as important as their own children, and as a result we were awarded a court appointed guardian ad litem. We went to counseling and were required to follow a strict order as to which parent we would be with and when.

As I got older, and began to listen to my mother and father talk about court, I became more aware of what family court really was. It was after a fall concert at Maitland Middle School that it became abundantly clear that my family was different than most. As I walked out of the auditorium, I saw a crowd of people gathered around watching what appeared to be two people arguing. I began to watch too. Curiosity killed the cat; and I thought I was going to die from humiliation when I realized my parents were the spectacle. A few months later my father was able to convince a magistrate to give him temporary custody and cross a state line, remove his children from school, and take us back to his home state. Within two weeks we were returned to our mother's residence and continued life as it was. At this time, I was frustrated with the judicial system; unable to understand why my life had been adversely affected.

As an adult, I have had the opportunity to help my husband in pursuit for custody of his children, and this is where my interest in law school was sparked. After spending many grueling hours researching fathers being awarded primary custody, I found myself intrigued rather than bored.

I began to collect crucial evidence demonstrating my husband's capacity to provide a better quality of life for his children than their mother. This effort began by logging every form of communication between my husband, his children, and their mother. I took a myriad of pictures which not only portrayed my husband's strengths in regards to the well being and care of his children, but the shortcomings of the children's mother. We have pictures of his children who had obviously not been bathed, with long fingernails and clothing that did not fit when they came to our home for visitation, and pictures of clean, well-groomed children to return to their mother's house. There are pictures of children covered from head to toe in bug bites from a mother that neglected to properly care for them. I compiled my husband's financial, educational, and personal records. While the mother of the children did a lot in making my husband's case, without someone organized, methodical, and persistent, his case would have never materialized into what it is today. Once the process reached this point, we did obtain legal counsel. When our lawyer advised us of our victory, I politely said "thank you," and thought to myself that I should be in her shoes.

Looking back to my childhood now, I can partially understand some of the decisions that were made by attorneys, magistrates, and judges. As an adult, I am able to understand that there were a lot of things misrepresented by my father, and that some people will do or say anything to win.

I believe that with individuals who are truly interested in the well being of the children, those who know the resources that are available to them and are not afraid to use them, and those who hold themselves accountable for decisions that are made in other's lives, the judicial system can be what it is designed to be. I am the type of person who can listen with my ears and my heart, can quickly pick up on discrepancies in a story, abhors lying, wants to know and pays attention to detail, is able to validate feelings, and can rationally explain things. With my background and desire to practice family law, coupled with an education from ________, I am confident that I will be a successful and competent Family Law attorney.




In terms of content I think that you have given us a great story and a bit of insight into who you are. However, I don't really detect an overtly bad situation with your parents. It sounds like lots of court visitations and meetings with counselors but not anything so substantial to be the impetus for your desire to pursue law. Explain more about WHY it was so bad and provide an example of what your father did that wasn't exactly HONEST. I think that might help illustrate your point. You also talk A LOT about the photos but what other role did you play in making his case? Provide more evidence for your analytical skills. All in all it is quite good!

mrr111
Posts: 31
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 9:53 pm

Re: PS Possibly my final draft??

Postby mrr111 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:59 am

I guess there is just so much that I could say; I'm just not sure how much is neccessary. My father was (or is) crazy and manipulative. He kidnapped my sisters and I when I was 3, broke into my grandmothers house when I was 5 to try again, tried to kill my mother by cutting her brake lines. He told the judge that we were being abused which is how he got temp custody. I just don't know how much of that really needs to be said!

The photos were part of what helped my husband get custody by showing that the children had bug bites from head to toe (probably over 100 bites). The kids were constantly dirty and always had on clothes that were either inappropriate for the weather (i.e. short sleeves and no shoes/socks when it was 45 degrees outside) or too small. DCF was involved. But again, I'm not sure how to add all the details with so little space.

I appreciate your comments, and I will work on adding more to explain both situations better.

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chrissyc
Posts: 257
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 5:14 pm

Re: PS Possibly my final draft??

Postby chrissyc » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:55 am

I think by simply stating that the situation with your father was in fact dangerous and unsuitable for a child; however the legal system failed you due to the manipulative nature of your father. You were not protected from him because someone failed to do their job. In regard to your husband's situation perhaps you could simply say that the pictures were one example of several measures you took to make his case stronger and provide evidence of the conditions that the children were living in.




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