UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
curly3426
Posts: 283
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UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 11:51 am

what do you all think? would love your opinion!


Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.
Albert Einstein

Gripping onto a railing outside Robsham Theatre for dear life, I placed the seat of the unicycle firmly between my legs. I kept repeating to myself, “the goal is to lean forward, the exact opposite of what your mind tells you to do”. I pushed hard on one pedal and let go. Half expecting to be face down on the pavement, I found myself awkwardly scooting about, to the amusement of many students walking to class. After thirty seconds or so, and countless off colored comments from fellow students, and at least two theatre professors, I threw the red juggling balls up in the air. Still holding on to the blue and yellow ball, I was at first relieved I was able to catch the red ball without breaking my neck, and then terrified at the thought of now throwing the other two up. It took nearly six weeks, hundreds of bruises, three new pedals, and what seems to be a permanent bump on the back of head, but I finally was able to juggle while on a unicycle. Bozo, the Cirque Du Soleil representative seemed hardly impressed and was ready to move on to stilt walking, a task which would only add to my numerous injuries. As I jumped off the unicycle, grinning from ear to ear, Bozo grabbed me by the shoulder and said, “Good. Now give me a reason for why you are on the unicycle juggling.” A reason? After finally perfectly balancing on one wheel, throwing three different colored balls into the air, Bozo wanted a logical reason for my illogical actions.
One might ask, “what is a Cirque Du Soleil trained clown and professional actor/singer is thinking applying to law school?” The hours spent researching roles and perfecting accents, the hundreds of auditions, the hours in mirrored rehearsal rooms on 42nd street making sure the dance looked flawless, seem to be of a different world than logical thinking, law books, court rooms, and cubicles. But instead if it were not for my experiences on stage, I would have never found myself applying to law school and delighting in practicing my logical games. What seems to be a passion that would provide no practical use in law, I find has not only best prepared me for my future in law school, but will directly affect my success as a law student and then as a lawyer.
As an actor I was always asked to find a logical reason for what I was doing on stage, whether it was an emotional outburst, or a simple movement of furniture. Whether in a theatre or in legal proceedings, the actor/lawyer lay out a logical foundation for his actions and words. If this is not done, he loses the audience and he loses the case. In one of the shows where I was on the unicycle, I was asked to sing a song while cycling and juggling across the stage. This was put into the show so that an actor could slip off stage without the audience noticing, but as Bozo requested of me, I needed a reason for my actions. I spent hours in the library studying Comedia Del Arte books and learning about the type of clown I was portraying; I remember one night at around 2 a.m. I found a French love song that this particular clown (Pierrot) was known to sing. So every night I pointed to a beautiful girl in the front row and said, “this my dear is for you.” I cycled across the stage, singing, and juggling getting the audience to laugh and the actor safely off stage. While my theatric endeavors on the outside were done for the love of the art, they were always firmly rooted on a logical foundation. Like a lawyer an actor is given a set of circumstances and is required to find a logical way to a desired result. My passions lie within this quest.
So, why the change? If both careers provide for the same sort of logical journey, why put one aside for the other? When I graduated college I had already worked professionally in 7 shows, while doing 10 more in college. I moved to New York, wide eyed and ready to conquer Broadway. Within months I had been cast at two of the largest theatres in the country, and was working with my idols, whose recordings I have on repeat on my IPod. I signed with an agent, and was getting called in for Broadway shows, yet though my dream was coming true, I found myself unfulfilled. During 1776 (a show about the signing of the declaration of independence) at Papermill Theatre in New Jersey, I was often asked to move furniture and sit and watch the show on stage for long periods of time. Hours were spent researching what my character’s history was, why he might be moving certain furniture, or remaining to listen to heated debate. I came into the first rehearsal with a list of ideas and research, to only be handed a packet with it all done for me. We had two weeks to put up a Broadway caliber show, the quest was already conquered, it was now our talents and ability to do what we were told that would make this a great show. The business of show business had made me become good at being what the producers needed, and doing what the director told me, not relying on my abilities to apply logic in the imaginary setting. They wanted convincing emotion, beautiful voices, and incredible dancers. What drove the actors around me was not what drove me into this career. This isn’t to degrade professional actors, I respect and admire their love for art for arts sake, their patience for doing what they are told and only that, their ability to be what the producers need, but it wasn’t fulfilling me.
So, here I am, with Bozo ringing in my ear, “give me a reason.” During college I balanced rehearsals with courses in symbolic logic, in ethics, in Aristotle, in rhetoric. My passion for logic and law was always shadowed by my success on stage. Like my grandfather, Cesare Lombroso, who vows it was his poetry that brought him to the field of neurology, my art brought me here. Or my great uncle, Bruno Rossi, a famous Italian physicist, who painted during the Manhattan project to keep himself sane, my art kept me balanced. So Bozo convinced me to jump on the unicycle, at first so that I may make it across the stage, but now I find it has taken me further. I stand here ready for law school not because of the lawyers I have worked for, or the logic books I’ve read, but because I pushed hard on the pedal and unicycled.

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 11:53 am

shoot, QUOTE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THERE... no quote

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nataliejane38
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby nataliejane38 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:08 pm

Very good, just two things...

I think it's supposed to be "off color" not colored...and in the last sentence you mention the lawyers you have worked for, but did you mention that anywhere else in your personal statement? It kinda comes out of nowhere. I really liked how you tied in your family at the end, that they were both artists and scientists. I do think the whole actor/lawyer thing is a little bit of a reach, but you made it work pretty well.

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:10 pm

i meant the lawyer thing in the last sentence to be more like, i don't have a conventional route to law school, like i didn't work for lawyers...

im trying to think how I can write that more clearly

Bankhead
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby Bankhead » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:34 pm

Replace "This isn’t to degrade professional actors," with "While I respect professional actors,"

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:35 pm

thanks! any suggestions on the essay as a whole

the while is actually a great suggestion, i hated that line

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CGI Fridays
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:37 pm

Change that sentence in OP & take out the opening quote & do whatever, then re-post the OP & I'll read over it with line edit suggestions.

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:38 pm

sorry what? what does OP mean?

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CGI Fridays
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:42 pm

Original Post. Edit it & then I'll read the latest version.

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:47 pm

I PMed you

any other suggestions... this has been really helpful guys!

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SilverE2
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby SilverE2 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:52 pm

Your grandfather was Cesare Lombroso? How old are you?

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:52 pm

Personal Statement:

Gripping onto a railing outside Robsham Theatre for dear life, I placed the seat of the unicycle firmly between my legs. I kept repeating to myself, “The goal is to lean forward, the exact opposite of what your mind tells you to do”. I pushed hard on one pedal and let go. Half expecting to be face-down on the pavement, I found myself awkwardly scooting about, to the amusement of many students walking to class. After thirty seconds or so, and countless off-colored comments from fellow students, and at least two theatre professors, I threw the red juggling ball up in the air. Still clutching the blue and yellow balls, I was at first relieved I was able to catch the red ball without breaking my neck, and then terrified at the thought of now throwing the other two up. It took nearly six weeks, hundreds of bruises, three new pedals, and what seems to be a permanent bump on the back of head, but I finally was able to juggle while on a unicycle. Bozo, the Cirque Du Soleil representative seemed under impressed and was ready to move on to stilt- walking, a task which would only add to my numerous injuries. As I jumped off the unicycle, grinning from ear to ear, Bozo grabbed me by the shoulder and said, “Good. Now give me a reason for why you are on the unicycle juggling.” A reason? After finally perfectly balancing on one wheel, throwing three different colored balls into the air, Bozo wanted a logical reason for my illogical actions?

One might ask what a Cirque Du Soleil trained clown and professional actor/singer is thinking applying to law school? The hours spent researching roles and perfecting accents, the hundreds of auditions, the hours in mirrored rehearsal rooms on 42nd street making sure the dance looked flawless, seem to be of a different world than logical thinking, law books, court rooms, and cubicles. But instead if it were not for my experiences on stage, I would have never found myself applying to law school and delighting in practicing my logical games. What seems to be a passion thaton the surface provides no practical use in law, I find has not only best prepared me for my future in law school, but will directly affect my success as a law student and then as a lawyer.

As an actor I was always asked to find a logical reason for what I was doing on stage, be it was an emotional outburst, or a simple movement of furniture. Whether in a theatre or in legal proceedings, the actor/lawyer lays out a logical foundation for his actions and words. If this is not done, he loses the audience and he loses the case. In one of the shows where I was on the unicycle, I was asked to sing a song while cycling and juggling across the stage. This was put into the show so that a fellow actor could slip off stage without the audience noticing, but as Bozo requested of me, I needed a reason for my actions. I spent hours in the library studying Comedia Del Arte books and learning about the type of clown I was portraying; I remember one night at around 2 a.m. I found a French love song that this particular clown (Pierrot) was known to sing. So every night on stage, I pointed to a beautiful girl in the front row and said, “this, my dear, is for you.” I cycled across the stage, singing, and juggling getting the audience to laugh and the actor safely off stage. While my theatrical endeavors on the outside were done for the love of the art, they were always firmly rooted in a logical foundation. Like a lawyer, an actor is given a set of circumstances and is required to find a logical way to a desired result. My passions lie within this quest.

So, why the change? If both careers provide for the same sort of logical journey, why put one aside for the other? By the time I had graduated college, I had not only been in 10 college shows, but I had also worked professionally in 7 shows in Boston. I moved to New York, wide eyed and ready to conquer Broadway. Within months I had been cast at two of the largest theatres in the country, and was working with my idols, whose recordings I have on ‘repeat’ on my IPod. I signed with an agent, and was getting called in for Broadway auditions. Although my dream was coming true, I found myself unfulfilled. During 1776 (a show about the signing of the Declaration of Independence) at Papermill Theatre in New Jersey, I was often asked to move furniture and sit and watch the show on stage for long periods of time. Hours were spent researching what my character’s history was, why he might be moving certain furniture, or lingering in the chambers to listen to heated debate. I came into the first rehearsal with a list of ideas and research, to only be handed a packet of instructions with it all done for me. We had two weeks to put up a Broadway caliber show, the research had already been accomplished, it was now our talents and ability to do what we were told that would make this a great show. The business of show business had made me become good at being what the producers needed, and doing what the director told me, not relying on my abilities to apply logic in the imaginary setting. They wanted convincing emotion, beautiful voices, and incredible dancers. What drove the actors around me was not what drove me into this career. While I respect and admire those actors’ love for art-for-art’s sake, their patience for doing what they are told, their ability to be what the producers need, but it wasn’t fulfilling me.
So, here I am, with Bozo ringing in my ear, “give me a reason.” During college I balanced theatre rehearsals with courses in symbolic logic, in ethics, in Aristotle, in rhetoric. My passion for logic and law was always shadowed by my success on stage. Like my grandfather, Cesare Lombroso and his namesake before him, he vows it was his poetry that brought him to the field of neurology, and so my art brought me here. Or my great uncle, Bruno Rossi, an Italian physicist, who painted during the Manhattan project to keep himself sane, my art kept me balanced. So Bozo convinced me to jump on the unicycle, at first so that I may make it across the stage, but now I find it has taken me further. I stand here ready for law school not because of the classes I have taken, or the logic books I’ve read, but because I pushed hard on the pedal and unicycled.

curly3426
Posts: 283
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:53 pm

my great great grandfather is who you are thinking of... his grandson, my grandfather is of the same name

equally as famous, different field sorta

I just sang at the opening of his museum in Torino... if you are a fan it is worth checking out

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:55 pm

funny enough the Cesare lombroso you are thinking of was a singer

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CGI Fridays
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:18 pm

Gripping [for dear life] onto a railing outside Robsham Theatre for dear life, I placed the seat of the unicycle firmly between my legs. I kept repeating to myself,“The goal is to lean forward," [I kept repeating to myself, ] "the exact opposite of what your mind tells you to do”. I pushed hard on one pedal and let go. Half expecting to be face-down on the pavement, I found myself awkwardly scooting about, to the amusement of many students walking to class. After thirty seconds or so, and countless off-colored comments from fellow students, ((drop this comma assuming that the theatre professors are also making off-colored comments)) and at least two theatre professors, I threw the red juggling ball up in the air. Still clutching the blue and yellow balls, I was at first relieved I was able to catch the red ball without breaking my neck, and then terrified at the thought of now throwing the other two up. It took nearly six weeks, hundreds of bruises, three new pedals, and what seems to be a permanent bump on the back of head, but I finally was able to juggle while on a unicycle. Bozo, the Cirque Du Soleil representative seemed under impressed and was ready to move on to stilt- walking, a task which would only add to my numerous injuries. As I jumped off the unicycle, grinning from ear to ear, Bozo grabbed me by the shoulder and said, “Good. Now give me a reason for why you are on the unicycle juggling.” A reason? After finally perfectly balancing on one wheel, throwing three different colored balls into the air, Bozo wanted a logical reason for my illogical actions?

One might ask what a Cirque Du Soleil trained clown and professional actor/singer is thinking applying to law school? ((One might ask that, but the sentence is not a question. Switch the Q mark with a period)) The hours spent researching roles and perfecting accents, the hundreds of auditions, the hours in mirrored rehearsal rooms on 42nd street making sure the dance looked flawless, ((you use "the hours" twice. Find a way to reword the sentence without redundant text)) seem to be of a different world than logical thinking, law books, court rooms, and cubicles. But instead if it were not for my experiences on stage, I would have never found myself applying to law school and delighting in practicing my logical games. What seems to be a passion that ((space)) on the surface provides no practical use in law, I find has not only best prepared me for my future in law school, but will directly affect my success as a law student and then as a lawyer.

As an actor I was always asked to find a logical reason for what I was doing on stage, be it was ((underlined portion is not grammatically correct)) an emotional outburst, or a simple movement of furniture. Whether in a theatre or in legal proceedings, the actor/lawyer lays out a logical foundation for his actions and words. If this is not done, he loses the audience and he loses the case. In one of the shows where I was on the unicycle, I was asked to sing a song while cycling and juggling across the stage. This was put into the show so that a fellow actor could slip off stage without the audience noticing, but as Bozo requested of me, I needed a reason for my actions. I spent hours in the library studying Comedia Del Arte books and learning about the type of clown I was portraying; I remember one night at around 2 a.m. I found a French love song that this particular clown (Pierrot) was known to sing. So every night on stage, I pointed to a beautiful girl in the front row and said, “this, my dear, is for you.” I cycled across the stage, singing, and juggling getting the audience to laugh and the actor safely off stage. While my theatrical endeavors on the outside were done for the love of the art, they were always firmly rooted in a logical foundation. Like a lawyer, an actor is given a set of circumstances and is required to find a logical way [route / path] to a desired result. My passions lie within this quest.

So, why the change? If both careers provide for the same sort of logical journey, why put one aside for the other? By the time I had graduated college, I had not only been in 10 college shows, but I had also worked professionally in 7 shows in Boston. I moved to New York, wide ((hyphen here may no longer be necessary, but it can't hurt)) eyed and ready to conquer Broadway. Within months I had been cast at two of the largest theatres in the country, and was working with my idols, whose recordings I have on ‘repeat’ on my IPod [iPod] . I signed with an agent, and was getting called in for Broadway auditions.

Although my dream was coming true, I found myself unfulfilled. During 1776 (a show about the signing of the Declaration of Independence) at Papermill Theatre in New Jersey, I was often asked to move furniture and sit and watch the show on stage for long periods of time. Hours were spent researching what my character’s history was, why he might be moving certain furniture, or lingering in the chambers to listen to heated debate. I came into the first rehearsal with a list of ideas and research, to only be handed a packet of instructions with it all done for me. We had two weeks to put up a Broadway caliber show, the research had already been accomplished, it was now our talents and ability to do what we were told that would make this a great show. The business ofshow business had made me become ((find more colorful wording)) good at being what the producers needed ((drop comma) and doing what the director told me, [but] not [at] relying on my abilities to apply logic in the imaginary setting. They wanted convincing emotion, beautiful voices, and incredible dancers. What drove the actors around me was not what drove me into this career. While I respect and admire those actors’ love for [of] art-for-art’s sake, their patience for doing what they are told, ((drop comma)) [and] their ability to be what the producers need, but it wasn’t fulfilling me.

So, here I am [today / now] , with Bozo['s words] ringing in my ear ((switch colon for comma)) “give me a reason.” During college I balanced theatre rehearsals with courses in symbolic logic,inethics, in Aristotle, in [and] rhetoric. My passion for logic and law was always shadowed by my success on stage. Like my grandfather, Cesare Lombroso and his namesake before him, he vows it was his poetry that brought him to the field of neurology, and so my art brought me here ((read this sentence slowly. it needs to be re-worded. PM me if you want help.)) . Or my great uncle, Bruno Rossi, an Italian physicist, who painted during the Manhattan project to keep himself sane, my art kept me balanced. So Bozo convinced me to jump on the unicycle, at first so that I may make it across the stage, but now I find it has taken me further. I stand here ready for law school not because of the classes I have taken, or the logic books I’ve read, but because I pushed hard on the pedal and unicycled.

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:22 pm

wow thanks!

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:25 pm

here is another question... the clown's name wasn't Bozo - I emailed the director to see if he could remember his name, if we can't find it would it be bad to just leave it as Bozo?

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CGI Fridays
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:40 pm

Per request, & to avoid multiple people working on the same stuff I'll post it here.

1st problematic sentence wrote:As an actor I was always asked to find a logical reason for what I was doing on stage, be it was ((underlined portion is not grammatically correct)) an emotional outburst, or a simple movement of furniture.


"what I was doing" doesn't sync with "be it".

One possibility, keeping the "be it".
1) On stage I was often asked to find a logical reason for any action, be it an emotional outburst or a simple movement of furniture.

You might wanna keep the "what I was doing on stage," in which case you gotta rework the following portion of the sentence.


2nd problematic sentence wrote: Like my grandfather, Cesare Lombroso and his namesake before him, he vows it was his poetry that brought him to the field of neurology, and so my art brought me here.


Like my grandfather, Cesare Lombroso - and his namesake before him - who vows it was his poetry that brought him to the field of neurology, so my art has brought me here.

You could also use parenthesis instead of hyphens.


In general you're capitalizing on a freaking epic "soft" without coming off as a total braggart, so you've got my vote.
Just check length restrictions if applicable. Good luck with your cycle.

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:46 pm

so in general you think I pulled off this essay? I really appreciate your honesty

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CGI Fridays
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:54 pm

curly3426 wrote:so in general you think I pulled off this essay? I really appreciate your honesty

I wouldn't say that so strongly. I just read for line edits.
The subject is freaking epic, & you didn't come off as a total braggart. Those are both good things, sure, but I don't really know how well you "pulled it off". I suggest editing it until you're comfy with it & putting it down for a couple days. Come back & read it as if it weren't about you, as objectively as possible, & answer this question for yourself.

Or maybe others will read faster & take in more & help you out with more general comments.
Or both.
Or I am thirsty.

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2014
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby 2014 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:57 pm

Overall I think it is strong and has the potential to be very memorable as it is a very unique experience. There were times where I felt like the connection between logic and your art were forced though. I think the connection is there, just make sure it sounds genuine everywhere that you try and connect logic to being a clown.

You end it very well, I like the references to your relatives a lot.


I would come up with a better made up name than Bozo if you can't remember the real one. When I think of Bozo I think of a goofy looking clown at a child's birthday party, and having been to 5 different Cirque du Soleil shows, the actors are definitely artists. The name Bozo undermines the talent of Cirque actors in my opinion.

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:00 pm

im hoping my director remembers... he was such an interesting guy - worked for wall street for a bit

curly3426
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby curly3426 » Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:45 pm

i had a prof. suggest I cut out the family stuff and talk more about the type of law i want, or go more into where law will take me... thoughts?

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CGI Fridays
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 2:56 pm

curly3426 wrote:i had a prof. suggest I cut out the family stuff and talk more about the type of law i want, or go more into where law will take me... thoughts?

Well, considering your grandfather did horrible things to the field of criminology and probably had an enormously negative impact on countless lives, I suggest disassociating yourself with him.
(I'm assuming your grandfather is this Cesare Lombroso http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cesare_Lombroso )

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JazzOne
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Re: UNICYCLE PS FINISHED

Postby JazzOne » Sun Oct 24, 2010 3:01 pm

CGI Fridays wrote:
curly3426 wrote:i had a prof. suggest I cut out the family stuff and talk more about the type of law i want, or go more into where law will take me... thoughts?

Well, considering your grandfather did horrible things to the field of criminology and probably had an enormously negative impact on countless lives, I suggest disassociating yourself with him.
(I'm assuming your grandfather is this Cesare Lombroso http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cesare_Lombroso )

+1

lol

I approve of this thread.

Nice avatar, btw. I love that movie.




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