Addendum for Academic warning, first draft, rip it up!

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Dripworx
Posts: 161
Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 2:12 pm

Addendum for Academic warning, first draft, rip it up!

Postby Dripworx » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:12 am

The first semester of my attendance at xxxx was one of hardship for me particularly after the death of my grandfather due to pancreatic cancer that had spread all throughout his body and slowly destroyed him piece by piece. The constant flights to Colombia to visit him up until his last moment had left me devastated and completely distraught for months on end. My experience as an RA in my previous institution xxxx, gave me the opportunity to work as an RA at xxx but proved to be a difficult task to maintain with the workload of 6 simultaneous classes at the time. Undoubtedly, the most significant mistake I had made in my academic career had been to juggle more than I was prepared to handle, a commonly made mistake to which I had fallen into. My grades had dropped tremendously, and in an attempt to salvage what I could, I left my job as an RA and picked up a job at Starbucks which promised to pay for my full tuition. My goal was to focus on my grades, but only too late which had left me with two D’s and two C’s on my transcript, forever tainting my record. My efforts since then have been two fold, first, to focus solely on my academic career to re-establish the G.p.a that I had previously, secondly, to pay for my own schooling tuition by maintaining a part time job. This proved to be a difficult task as well that tested my time management skills, and my prioritizations. Since my grade had fallen to a 1.8 G.p.a by the end of my first semester, xxx had placed me on academic warning to which I could not contest. I realized that the difficulties did not lie within the job as an RA, nor the curriculum but upon myself and the ability to make realistic expectations of myself. After that semester, I never took more than 5 classes at a time, and worked my hardest to raise my G.p.a in hopes to apply to law schools in the future. The price I paid for an invaluable lesson has proven to have stuck and made a lasting impression on me, and I realized that to overburden myself with work is as counter productive as not doing any work at all. My focus has changed since then, and I have applied the knowledge and wisdom I have gained in the semesters following my brief slip, towards the present and plan to in the future while attending xxx law school.

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gdane
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Joined: Sat Sep 26, 2009 2:41 pm

Re: Addendum for Academic warning, first draft, rip it up!

Postby gdane » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:28 am

you need to cut this down. theres too much fluff. remove the part where you mention that your experience as an ra at another institution allowed you to become an ra elsewhere. remove all the stuff about you having to pay your own tuition. that has no place in this addendum. mention it in a ps or ds like i have. other than that, everything else is cool.

good luck!

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CGI Fridays
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Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:46 pm

Re: Addendum for Academic warning, first draft, rip it up!

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:31 am

The first semester of my attendance [My first semester] at xxxx was one of hardship for me ((comma)) particularly after the death of my grandfather due to pancreatic cancer that had spread all throughout his body and slowly destroyed him piece by piece. The constant flights to Colombia to visit him up until his last moment had left me devastated and completely distraught for months on end. My experience as an RA in my previous institution xxxx ((drop this comma)) gave me the opportunity to work as an RA at xxx ((add comma)) but proved to be a difficult task to maintain with the workload of 6 simultaneous classes at the time. ((You might consider relating this with your grandfather's death chronologically)) Undoubtedly, the most significant mistake I had made in my academic career had been to [was] juggl[ing] more than I was prepared to [could] handle, a commonly made mistake to which I had fallen into. My grades had dropped tremendously, and in an attempt to salvage what I could, I left my job as an RA and picked [to pick] up a job at Starbucks which promised to pay for my full tuition. My goal was to focus on my grades, but only too late ((re-word underlined portion)) which had left me with two D’s and two C’s on my transcript, forever tainting my record. My efforts since then have been two ((twofold is a single word with no space)) fold ((replace comma with a colon)) first, to focus solely on my academic career to re-establish the G.p.a that I had previously ((replace comma with a semicolon)) secondly, to pay for my own schooling tuition by maintaining a part ((hyphen)) time job. This proved to be a difficult task as well that tested my time management skills, and my prioritizations. Since my grade had fallen [fell] to a 1.8 G.p.a by the end of my first semester, xxx had placed me on academic warning to which I could not contest. I realized that the difficulties did not lie within the job as an RA, nor the curriculum ((comma)) but upon myself and the ability to make realistic expectations of myself. After that semester, I never took more than 5 classes at a time, and worked my hardest to raise my G.p.a in hopes to [of] applying to law schools in the future. The price I paid for an invaluable lesson has proven to have stuck andmade a lasting impression on me, and I realized that to overburden myself with work is as counter ((drop the space; one wprd)) productive as not doing any work at all ((this sentence is ridiculously hyperbolic at best, wildly inaccurate by my account (both because not doing any work cannot drop below zero-sum productivity and also 'cause just effing no way), and a lame excuse at worst. Just end the sentence with "overburden myself with work is counter-productive")) . My focus has changed since then, and I have applied the knowledge and wisdom I have gained in the semesters following my brief slip, towards the present and plan to in the future while attending xxx law school.


Edit: I feel like doing that work for you gives me license to tell you that your avatar makes you look like an epic [redacted].

Dripworx
Posts: 161
Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 2:12 pm

Re: Addendum for Academic warning, first draft, rip it up!

Postby Dripworx » Sun Oct 24, 2010 12:42 am

CGI Fridays wrote:The first semester of my attendance [My first semester] at xxxx was one of hardship for me ((comma)) particularly after the death of my grandfather due to pancreatic cancer that had spread all throughout his body and slowly destroyed him piece by piece. The constant flights to Colombia to visit him up until his last moment had left me devastated and completely distraught for months on end. My experience as an RA in my previous institution xxxx ((drop this comma)) gave me the opportunity to work as an RA at xxx ((add comma)) but proved to be a difficult task to maintain with the workload of 6 simultaneous classes at the time. ((You might consider relating this with your grandfather's death chronologically)) Undoubtedly, the most significant mistake I had made in my academic career had been to [was] juggl[ing] more than I was prepared to [could] handle, a commonly made mistake to which I had fallen into. My grades had dropped tremendously, and in an attempt to salvage what I could, I left my job as an RA and picked [to pick] up a job at Starbucks which promised to pay for my full tuition. My goal was to focus on my grades, but only too late ((re-word underlined portion)) which had left me with two D’s and two C’s on my transcript, forever tainting my record. My efforts since then have been two ((twofold is a single word with no space)) fold ((replace comma with a colon)) first, to focus solely on my academic career to re-establish the G.p.a that I had previously ((replace comma with a semicolon)) secondly, to pay for my own schooling tuition by maintaining a part ((hyphen)) time job. This proved to be a difficult task as well that tested my time management skills, and my prioritizations. Since my grade had fallen [fell] to a 1.8 G.p.a by the end of my first semester, xxx had placed me on academic warning to which I could not contest. I realized that the difficulties did not lie within the job as an RA, nor the curriculum ((comma)) but upon myself and the ability to make realistic expectations of myself. After that semester, I never took more than 5 classes at a time, and worked my hardest to raise my G.p.a in hopes to [of] applying to law schools in the future. The price I paid for an invaluable lesson has proven to have stuck andmade a lasting impression on me, and I realized that to overburden myself with work is as counter ((drop the space; one wprd)) productive as not doing any work at all ((this sentence is ridiculously hyperbolic at best, wildly inaccurate by my account (both because not doing any work cannot drop below zero-sum productivity and also 'cause just effing no way), and a lame excuse at worst. Just end the sentence with "overburden myself with work is counter-productive")) . My focus has changed since then, and I have applied the knowledge and wisdom I have gained in the semesters following my brief slip, towards the present and plan to in the future while attending xxx law school.


Edit: I feel like doing that work for you gives me license to tell you that your avatar makes you look like an epic [redacted].



Thank you!! I need this guys, I appreciate it. haha the avatar is actually me (the guy not the girl lol), I didnt know what else to put up when I started TLS a few months ago... but whats an epic redacted? my bad, Im kind of an idiot

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CGI Fridays
Posts: 897
Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 5:46 pm

Re: Addendum for Academic warning, first draft, rip it up!

Postby CGI Fridays » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:01 am

Dripworx wrote: Thank you!! I need this guys, I appreciate it. haha the avatar is actually me (the guy not the girl lol), I didnt know what else to put up when I started TLS a few months ago... but whats an epic redacted? my bad, Im kind of an idiot


You're welcome.

I know you're the guy, it's quite clear.

Redacted is generally when something is edited, but in context I'm referring to the deletion of sensitive - in this case probably offensive - material. I suppose to give you an idea I'll say "your avatar makes you look like a major tool."

Dripworx
Posts: 161
Joined: Tue Apr 20, 2010 2:12 pm

Re: Addendum for Academic warning, first draft, rip it up!

Postby Dripworx » Sun Oct 24, 2010 1:07 am

CGI Fridays wrote:
Dripworx wrote: Thank you!! I need this guys, I appreciate it. haha the avatar is actually me (the guy not the girl lol), I didnt know what else to put up when I started TLS a few months ago... but whats an epic redacted? my bad, Im kind of an idiot


You're welcome.

I know you're the guy, it's quite clear.

Redacted is generally when something is edited, but in context I'm referring to the deletion of sensitive - in this case probably offensive - material. I suppose to give you an idea I'll say "your avatar makes you look like a major tool."


lol alrighty, thanks for the edit though. I really appreciate it!




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