I need your perspective!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
RTFM
Posts: 307
Joined: Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:45 pm

I need your perspective!

Postby RTFM » Sat Oct 23, 2010 12:18 am

Edited.
Last edited by RTFM on Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:54 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hedwig
Posts: 835
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 1:56 am

Re: I need your perspective!

Postby Hedwig » Sat Oct 23, 2010 1:09 am

I really, really liked this PS. In fact, I actually read it all the way through, whereas most of them I just sort of read the first bit and then eyes glaze over and I move on to the next one.

"Kids were literally running on the tables and fleeing for the door."

I don't think you need the word literally there. Would kids ever be figuratively running on the tables and fleeing for the door?

Also, kids were running on the tables doesn't make a ton of sense. They got up and ran on the tables to the door? For some reason I can't visualize this. Climbing on the tables?

"Similarly, one of my tasks during a summer internship at the law firm XXX was reading arbitration briefs to make sure that the complex financial concepts were written in terms that were basic enough for non-experts to understand."

I'm not sure if I would change this, I just felt this was the one part of your statement that was very much tell not show, if that makes sense. It works, it helps explain how stuff is relevant, but your internship will be on your resume and presumably, if the skills are as similar as you claim, the adcomms should be like "oh, he has to make sure everything is basic enough for kindergarteners... good skill for law to explain to non experts" or something like that. Just some thoughts.

I really like your concluding sentence and how it ties back to the beginning.

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downing
Posts: 272
Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2010 2:03 am

Re: I need your perspective!

Postby downing » Sat Oct 23, 2010 1:40 am

I think the strongest aspect of your PS is that it's so entertaining. Like eit, I read it all the way through; and I felt the impact of the concluding sentence.
This is only a general observation, but I come away from this thinking that you'd make a wonderful teacher or scholar, and by the end I've almost forgotten its relevance to law school. Definitely bring the reader back to law school somewhere near the conclusion, otherwise it might be too soft.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: I need your perspective!

Postby CanadianWolf » Sat Oct 23, 2010 9:35 am

This is a very good essay that aptly demonstrates the often frustrating process of communicating effectively with some state court judges who also had planned on becoming dinosaurs when they grew up.

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DukeCornell
Posts: 279
Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 3:19 am

Re: I need your perspective!

Postby DukeCornell » Sat Oct 23, 2010 9:49 am

I really enjoed your PS. I read it all the way through as well. The political philosophy reference was very cleverly inserted. Kudos! I didn't think it was too long...?

RTFM
Posts: 307
Joined: Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:45 pm

Re: I need your perspective!

Postby RTFM » Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:59 am

Eit, I really appreciate your comments!

downing wrote:This is only a general observation, but I come away from this thinking that you'd make a wonderful teacher or scholar, and by the end I've almost forgotten its relevance to law school. Definitely bring the reader back to law school somewhere near the conclusion, otherwise it might be too soft.


Downing, I think that you are definitely right about this. I'm having trouble figuring out how to fit it in without sounding cumbersome, but I will think about it.

CanadianWolf wrote:This is a very good essay that aptly demonstrates the often frustrating process of communicating effectively with some state court judges who also had planned on becoming dinosaurs when they grew up.


Or who already are dinosaurs...

And thanks DukeCornell as well :)




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