Updated PS. Please critique!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
JMcLeod7
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 5:20 pm

Updated PS. Please critique!

Postby JMcLeod7 » Fri Oct 22, 2010 11:56 pm

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Last edited by JMcLeod7 on Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

edubs003
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:42 pm

Re: Updated PS. Please critique!

Postby edubs003 » Sat Oct 23, 2010 2:34 am

That last paragraph comes out of nowhere. It's like a personal statement and then a paragraph about why you want to go to law school. I would tie your education back into the second to last paragraph. Also, why are you captivated? Just saying it isn't enough. Did you take any law related classes? If so, put it in there.

edubs003
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:42 pm

Re: Updated PS. Please critique!

Postby edubs003 » Sat Oct 23, 2010 2:36 am

I forgot to say that it's a pretty good statement. I have a similar statement about battling a Toyota Corolla at 45 mph. I was a pedestrian though.

JMcLeod7
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 5:20 pm

Re: Updated PS. Please critique!

Postby JMcLeod7 » Sat Oct 23, 2010 12:25 pm

Thanks I think I'll just take out the first sentence of the last paragraph. Any other advice ??

edubs003
Posts: 122
Joined: Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:42 pm

Re: Updated PS. Please critique!

Postby edubs003 » Sat Oct 23, 2010 3:00 pm

I think you should combine the last two paragraphs.

JMcLeod7
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jun 27, 2010 5:20 pm

Re: Updated PS. Please critique!

Postby JMcLeod7 » Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:52 am

Thanks edubs. Anyone else have any ideas/comments?




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