Is this worth sticking with?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Is this worth sticking with?

Postby hawaii » Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:34 pm

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Last edited by hawaii on Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

sarahlawg
Posts: 1001
Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 5:59 pm

Re: Is this worth sticking with?

Postby sarahlawg » Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:51 pm

This kind of feels like two different essays. Have you thought about painting a particular portrait from your experience as a paralegal?
Perhaps the first part of this would work better as a diversity statement that highlights how you've grown from it, as opposed to leading into why law.
Hope this helps!

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TR Fan
Posts: 83
Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 12:46 pm

Re: Is this worth sticking with?

Postby TR Fan » Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:58 pm

Not bad, but I'm not sure I could recommend submitting this to schools as is. The first two paragraphs might be the basis of a great diversity statement, but neither they nor the rest of the PS give me a good sense of who you are as an applicant. It also all feels a bit disjointed: my attention is yanked from the airport to the classroom to your work as a paralegal rather hastily. I think the last paragraph holds the most promise and that you should consider rewriting the entire statement using an anecdote from your paralegal work as an anchor. Good luck!

legal10101
Posts: 133
Joined: Tue Oct 19, 2010 9:17 pm

Re: Is this worth sticking with?

Postby legal10101 » Tue Oct 19, 2010 10:04 pm

I agree with the prior post. This is a great start for a diversity statement, but I think your experience as a paralegal should be more of your focus. I would trim it back a bit to focus on how you overcame obstacles (past), what you do now as a paralegal (present) and what you envisioned for yourself while growing up in a home that struggled (future).

hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Re: Is this worth sticking with?

Postby hawaii » Tue Oct 19, 2010 10:48 pm

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Last edited by hawaii on Mon Oct 25, 2010 12:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Shooter
Posts: 474
Joined: Fri Apr 02, 2010 1:39 am

Re: Is this worth sticking with?

Postby Shooter » Tue Oct 19, 2010 11:08 pm

I love the first one, I don't like the second one as much.

The first one is proactive and empowering, and it actually describes attributes (perseverence, maturity) that will help you succeed in law school.

Definitely keep as is (first = personal, second = diversity).

hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Re: Is this worth sticking with?

Postby hawaii » Wed Oct 20, 2010 11:28 pm

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