Please give me opinions on my PS
Posted: Tue Oct 19, 2010 3:31 am
This is a first draft and I am not sure if I need to do something different. It seems awfully long for an addendum but the information needs to be conveyed. I think it answers the questions of why I have gaps in my education and why my GPA is not a good indicator of my ability. However, I would like to know if I need to write something focused on why, specifically, I would be a good fit for law school etc. Please let me know your thoughts and be honest--I can take it.
Also, if I were to use this as a PS, would I still need to include a separate addendum explaining the gaps in education and low GPA?
*******************************************************
I have lost 10 family members or friends in the last 12 years. I don’t want sympathy, but my cumulative GPA is, consequently, not indicative of my true abilities. Depression drained me of my motivation and ambition, and I spent a long time overcoming this illness. This struggle has enabled me to grow as a person and I am now determined to achieve my goals. My transcripts show the improvement I made from my freshman year until graduation. There were a few more hurdles along the way, but, after every stumble, I bounced back to perform even better. I have seen some of the worst life has to offer, and I have learned how to overcome these difficult circumstances. I am resolved in my desire to practice law and my struggles have prepared me for the challenge that lies ahead.
The first incident happened on May 26, 1998, which was the last day of my school year. My sister was in a car accident and died at the age of 16. I remember feeling numb afterwards. I didn’t know why I wasn’t sad but I knew that people usually feel something when a family member dies. I wouldn’t know why I was different for more than 7 years. Nonetheless, the effects of depression would impact my life for a long time after that summer. I moved to Destin, FL to live with my father during the next summer and continued to struggle with depression. Before my junior year of high school, my father decided that it would be best if I attended a private boarding school. During my time there, I lost two grandparents. Like my previous experience with death, I felt numb and it didn’t seem to affect me. The same pattern that permeated my previous education was present here: I was not motivated and did just enough work to get by. I believe that I earned mostly B’s because of the motivation provided by the consequences of bad grades—from both my parents and the school. In short, I worked only to please them because I found no satisfaction in good grades. My credentials were good enough to be accepted at the College of Charleston, and I soon found that the motivation my parents and teachers provided was the only thing keeping me from total failure.
I entered CofC in August, 2004. Before college, my life was structured so that I could not fail completely. If I overslept, the dean would come and wake me. If I didn’t attend class, my parents were notified and I was disciplined. In college, this structure disappeared completely. Consequently, I quickly saw the full effect of depression. I wouldn’t leave my room for weeks and would neglect to return phone calls or e-mails. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone, and I failed three of four courses in my first semester. I went to see a psychiatrist in Florida and he told me that I was exhibiting classic signs of severe depression. I was hesitant to accept this diagnosis. I don’t like making excuses and that’s exactly what depression seemed to be: a convenient excuse. As far as I was concerned, the blame resided with me. Even though it felt impossible to motivate myself, I thought it was due to mistakes on my part. Only when experiencing life after depression did I realize how much of an impact it had on me. Although I was hesitant, I was willing to try anything at this point. I subsequently withdrew from CofC and began the healing process.
The psychiatrist prescribed some antidepressants and I moved back to Destin. I began working and saving money for my eventual return to college. The following summer, one of my friends died in a car wreck. I still felt numb in this situation but I had shown improvements in other areas. I was going to work and enrolled in classes at the local community college. I was setting my schedule and was solely responsible for staying motivated. With the help of the medication, I did much better. During this time, I realized that my biggest strength was in composition and that I would be well-suited to a degree that focused on writing. Eventually, I moved to south Florida to live with my mom, who had relocated there. I continued to work but decided to forego my education until I had a plan for college and beyond. I eventually decided on journalism because it would be suited to my strengths and I enjoy writing. During the Spring of 2007, I decided that it was time to start looking at colleges again. I quit my job and enrolled in five summer classes at Broward Community College. This was another good step toward overcoming my depression—I achieved academic honors. After earning a 3.8 GPA in those five classes, I was accepted into The University of Kansas and decided to enroll.
Entering KU, I had no idea that my susceptibility to depression would be tested more than ever before. I made it through my first semester with two B’s, an A and a C. While I believed that I was still not fully meeting my expectations, it was a step in the right direction. I was completely on my own with no one else providing the motivation for me and I had managed to earn a 3.0 GPA. However, I was having a hard time in coming out of depression completely. My next two semesters illustrate a similar trend of average grades. I had clearly come a long way, but still needed to improve in order to meet my potential. When I came back for the spring semester in 2009, everything was set for me to really break out of my slump and excel. I was finally starting to find my groove in college. Life, however, had different plans for me. I got a call during my first week that my grandfather had passed away. I was shaken by the loss of a grandparent that I was very close to, but the fact that I felt anything was a definitive sign that I was beating my depression. Unfortunately, the test of my resolve was far from over. I proceeded to lose another grandparent and three friends in the span of a few months. My grandmother died of complications brought about by old age. My friend, Danny, died in a car wreck back in Florida. That was followed by another close friend, Jade, jumping off the tenth story of building in Destin. As if it wasn’t hard enough to deal with the things happening far away from KU, another friend of mine died in his sleep in my fraternity house. There was no escape from any of this for me and it proved to be the most challenging thing I have ever had to overcome. My grades suffered during this semester and I was placed on academic probation. Depression had resurfaced in a big way and I was having a difficult time dealing with it. I decided to see another psychiatrist to help me deal with my losses. During the following summer, I earned 3.2 GPA. This was enough to end my academic probation. My final three semesters all show a GPA above 3.0, while I was taking the most strenuous classes of my career. My grades have improved as I have overcome my depression. As a result, my GPA is not an accurate portrayal of my academic prowess. I have finally beaten depression and I am ready for whatever challenges await me in law school.
Also, if I were to use this as a PS, would I still need to include a separate addendum explaining the gaps in education and low GPA?
*******************************************************
I have lost 10 family members or friends in the last 12 years. I don’t want sympathy, but my cumulative GPA is, consequently, not indicative of my true abilities. Depression drained me of my motivation and ambition, and I spent a long time overcoming this illness. This struggle has enabled me to grow as a person and I am now determined to achieve my goals. My transcripts show the improvement I made from my freshman year until graduation. There were a few more hurdles along the way, but, after every stumble, I bounced back to perform even better. I have seen some of the worst life has to offer, and I have learned how to overcome these difficult circumstances. I am resolved in my desire to practice law and my struggles have prepared me for the challenge that lies ahead.
The first incident happened on May 26, 1998, which was the last day of my school year. My sister was in a car accident and died at the age of 16. I remember feeling numb afterwards. I didn’t know why I wasn’t sad but I knew that people usually feel something when a family member dies. I wouldn’t know why I was different for more than 7 years. Nonetheless, the effects of depression would impact my life for a long time after that summer. I moved to Destin, FL to live with my father during the next summer and continued to struggle with depression. Before my junior year of high school, my father decided that it would be best if I attended a private boarding school. During my time there, I lost two grandparents. Like my previous experience with death, I felt numb and it didn’t seem to affect me. The same pattern that permeated my previous education was present here: I was not motivated and did just enough work to get by. I believe that I earned mostly B’s because of the motivation provided by the consequences of bad grades—from both my parents and the school. In short, I worked only to please them because I found no satisfaction in good grades. My credentials were good enough to be accepted at the College of Charleston, and I soon found that the motivation my parents and teachers provided was the only thing keeping me from total failure.
I entered CofC in August, 2004. Before college, my life was structured so that I could not fail completely. If I overslept, the dean would come and wake me. If I didn’t attend class, my parents were notified and I was disciplined. In college, this structure disappeared completely. Consequently, I quickly saw the full effect of depression. I wouldn’t leave my room for weeks and would neglect to return phone calls or e-mails. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone, and I failed three of four courses in my first semester. I went to see a psychiatrist in Florida and he told me that I was exhibiting classic signs of severe depression. I was hesitant to accept this diagnosis. I don’t like making excuses and that’s exactly what depression seemed to be: a convenient excuse. As far as I was concerned, the blame resided with me. Even though it felt impossible to motivate myself, I thought it was due to mistakes on my part. Only when experiencing life after depression did I realize how much of an impact it had on me. Although I was hesitant, I was willing to try anything at this point. I subsequently withdrew from CofC and began the healing process.
The psychiatrist prescribed some antidepressants and I moved back to Destin. I began working and saving money for my eventual return to college. The following summer, one of my friends died in a car wreck. I still felt numb in this situation but I had shown improvements in other areas. I was going to work and enrolled in classes at the local community college. I was setting my schedule and was solely responsible for staying motivated. With the help of the medication, I did much better. During this time, I realized that my biggest strength was in composition and that I would be well-suited to a degree that focused on writing. Eventually, I moved to south Florida to live with my mom, who had relocated there. I continued to work but decided to forego my education until I had a plan for college and beyond. I eventually decided on journalism because it would be suited to my strengths and I enjoy writing. During the Spring of 2007, I decided that it was time to start looking at colleges again. I quit my job and enrolled in five summer classes at Broward Community College. This was another good step toward overcoming my depression—I achieved academic honors. After earning a 3.8 GPA in those five classes, I was accepted into The University of Kansas and decided to enroll.
Entering KU, I had no idea that my susceptibility to depression would be tested more than ever before. I made it through my first semester with two B’s, an A and a C. While I believed that I was still not fully meeting my expectations, it was a step in the right direction. I was completely on my own with no one else providing the motivation for me and I had managed to earn a 3.0 GPA. However, I was having a hard time in coming out of depression completely. My next two semesters illustrate a similar trend of average grades. I had clearly come a long way, but still needed to improve in order to meet my potential. When I came back for the spring semester in 2009, everything was set for me to really break out of my slump and excel. I was finally starting to find my groove in college. Life, however, had different plans for me. I got a call during my first week that my grandfather had passed away. I was shaken by the loss of a grandparent that I was very close to, but the fact that I felt anything was a definitive sign that I was beating my depression. Unfortunately, the test of my resolve was far from over. I proceeded to lose another grandparent and three friends in the span of a few months. My grandmother died of complications brought about by old age. My friend, Danny, died in a car wreck back in Florida. That was followed by another close friend, Jade, jumping off the tenth story of building in Destin. As if it wasn’t hard enough to deal with the things happening far away from KU, another friend of mine died in his sleep in my fraternity house. There was no escape from any of this for me and it proved to be the most challenging thing I have ever had to overcome. My grades suffered during this semester and I was placed on academic probation. Depression had resurfaced in a big way and I was having a difficult time dealing with it. I decided to see another psychiatrist to help me deal with my losses. During the following summer, I earned 3.2 GPA. This was enough to end my academic probation. My final three semesters all show a GPA above 3.0, while I was taking the most strenuous classes of my career. My grades have improved as I have overcome my depression. As a result, my GPA is not an accurate portrayal of my academic prowess. I have finally beaten depression and I am ready for whatever challenges await me in law school.