addendum: disciplinary action

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jjames
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:33 pm

addendum: disciplinary action

Postby jjames » Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:48 pm

Any and all suggestions would be apperciated



At the conclusion of my first year of college in August 2009, I was placed on disciplinary suspension for one semester and probation for four semesters for violating the University of ****'s alcoholic beverages policy, I was arrested for DUI. These disciplinary actions were a result of immaturity and a mistake that was and is completely out of my character.

I spent my time on suspension from *** taking classes at *** Community College, where I took a full course load, and received a 4.0 grade point average. I was granted permission to maintain my job at the ***'s Recreation and Wellness Center, where I continued to represent *** at many events and conferences. I completed all sanctions from Student Conduct ahead of schedule and took of many additional opportunities, such as volunteering for alcohol free events.

After my suspension, I returned to ***. I was on the Dean’s list for the spring and summer 2010 semesters. I have had no disciplinary issues since. I have remained dedicated to becoming a better person from this event. This experience changed me and I am confident that this behavior will never happen again.

OmbreGracieuse
Posts: 254
Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:39 pm

Re: addendum: disciplinary action

Postby OmbreGracieuse » Thu Oct 21, 2010 10:46 pm

I think you need commas here "was, and is, out of my character" it seems independent clause-ish.

I think you missed a word here: "and took [advantage] of many additional "

" I have remained dedicated to becoming a better person from this event. This experience changed me and I am confident that this behavior will never happen again." could be shortened, I think and made to flow easier. Something to the effect of "Since my disciplinary suspension, I have dedicated myself to learning from my mistake; while it may have happened once, I am confident that such a behavior is not in my future" ... or something to that effect.

I have never had to write an addendum for a disciplinary action, so I don't know if there is some kind of unwritten code about them, but your seems the way it should: short and to the point.

Even if you don't take my advice, don't forget to add the word 'advantage' or whichever word you intended to use that got left out.

Good luck!!

jjames
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:33 pm

Re: addendum: disciplinary action

Postby jjames » Tue Oct 26, 2010 7:47 pm

Thank you for noticing those mistakes. I have read and reread this multiple times and did not notice the two things you pointed out!

hawaii
Posts: 74
Joined: Mon Oct 11, 2010 9:15 pm

Re: addendum: disciplinary action

Postby hawaii » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:05 pm

I agree with OmbreGracieuse above. I think its perfectly fine the way it is. Good luck with your apps!

jjames
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:33 pm

Re: addendum: disciplinary action

Postby jjames » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:18 pm

Thank you so much!

justadude55
Posts: 963
Joined: Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:23 am

Re: addendum: disciplinary action

Postby justadude55 » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:22 pm

concise, and good presentation of evidence to suggest it won't happen again. i'm not an adcom, but your DWI arrest wouldn't affect whether or not i'd bet on u succeeding at a given school.

jjames
Posts: 13
Joined: Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:33 pm

Re: addendum: disciplinary action

Postby jjames » Tue Oct 26, 2010 8:31 pm

Thank you, that really helps me out. I have been stressing about this incident and getting into law school since the day it happened.




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