Very first draft Forum

[gin]

This one is dead and the PS sucked. Deleting it and working on something new

[CanadianWolf]

A bit awkward. While reading your essay I wondered how old you are & whether you had taken the LSAT yet.

[reasonable_man]

This is deep; brah.

I'd start over. Its only a first draft and thus you have little invested.

[TheOcho]

I like the idea, but this isn't very coherent. It's awkward and isn't easy to follow.

[gin]

yeah its the same thing I got from it after reading it. It's a little choppy not to mention some big errors. I only needed to start writing something after a week of bad ideas

[CanadianWolf]

Are you applying to law schools for the current cycle ? Have you taken the LSAT yet ?
The reason that I am asking is that your essay hints that you are quite young compared to the typical law school applicant on TLS.

[abarrios]

Not sure why it matters whether OP has taken the LSAT or is younger than most applicants.

However, I do agree with everyone that this is not a good essay.

[CanadianWolf]

Because the writing & analytical abilities shown in her personal statement are very weak for a serious law school applicant. If she is just in her first or second year of college, then my suggestions would be different than if the OP is a college senior. May also be maturity issues.

[abarrios]

I see. Well, I'm willing to bet OP is at least a college senior. I'm assuming this because OP seems to have enough classes in political science and philosophy under his/her belt to be a senior.

[gin]

yeah I'm a senior, although I sometimes wonder about my maturity level myself. Thanks a lot for your comments, they are being really helpful.
How exactly are my analytical skills weak on the ps so I can work on them

[sayruss11]

Because the writing & analytical abilities shown in her personal statement are very weak for a serious law school applicant. If she is just in her first or second year of college, then my suggestions would be different than if the OP is a college senior. May also be maturity issues.

and why assume "she"?

I definitely don't think you should mention the whole grad school being a more exciting better choice for you. I see what you're getting at, but still just leave it out.