Very first draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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gin
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Very first draft

Postby gin » Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:32 am

This one is dead and the PS sucked. Deleting it and working on something new
Last edited by gin on Sat Nov 13, 2010 2:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Very first draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Oct 18, 2010 8:02 am

A bit awkward. While reading your essay I wondered how old you are & whether you had taken the LSAT yet.

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reasonable_man
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Re: Very first draft

Postby reasonable_man » Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:01 am

This is deep; brah.

I'd start over. Its only a first draft and thus you have little invested.

TheOcho
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Re: Very first draft

Postby TheOcho » Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:07 am

I like the idea, but this isn't very coherent. It's awkward and isn't easy to follow.

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gin
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Re: Very first draft

Postby gin » Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:46 am

yeah its the same thing I got from it after reading it. It's a little choppy not to mention some big errors. I only needed to start writing something after a week of bad ideas

CanadianWolf
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Re: Very first draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Oct 18, 2010 11:47 am

Are you applying to law schools for the current cycle ? Have you taken the LSAT yet ?
The reason that I am asking is that your essay hints that you are quite young compared to the typical law school applicant on TLS.

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abarrios
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Re: Very first draft

Postby abarrios » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:16 pm

Not sure why it matters whether OP has taken the LSAT or is younger than most applicants.

However, I do agree with everyone that this is not a good essay.

CanadianWolf
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Re: Very first draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:20 pm

Because the writing & analytical abilities shown in her personal statement are very weak for a serious law school applicant. If she is just in her first or second year of college, then my suggestions would be different than if the OP is a college senior. May also be maturity issues.

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abarrios
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Re: Very first draft

Postby abarrios » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:27 pm

I see. Well, I'm willing to bet OP is at least a college senior. I'm assuming this because OP seems to have enough classes in political science and philosophy under his/her belt to be a senior.

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gin
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Re: Very first draft

Postby gin » Mon Oct 18, 2010 12:45 pm

yeah I'm a senior, although I sometimes wonder about my maturity level myself. Thanks a lot for your comments, they are being really helpful.
How exactly are my analytical skills weak on the ps so I can work on them

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sayruss11
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Re: Very first draft

Postby sayruss11 » Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:53 pm

CanadianWolf wrote:Because the writing & analytical abilities shown in her personal statement are very weak for a serious law school applicant. If she is just in her first or second year of college, then my suggestions would be different than if the OP is a college senior. May also be maturity issues.


and why assume "she"? ;)

I definitely don't think you should mention the whole grad school being a more exciting better choice for you. I see what you're getting at, but still just leave it out.




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