Final PS draft. Pls give me your final thoughts/critiques!!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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lalalawya
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Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:34 pm

Final PS draft. Pls give me your final thoughts/critiques!!

Postby lalalawya » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:17 pm

DELETED.
Last edited by lalalawya on Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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lalalawya
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:34 pm

Re: Final PS draft. Pls give me your final thoughts/critiques!!

Postby lalalawya » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:28 pm

Also, please do not quote my whole PS (or, significant parts). I plan on taking it down after hearing comments. Thanks so much!

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WhatSarahSaid
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Joined: Tue Jun 02, 2009 2:01 pm

Re: Final PS draft. Pls give me your final thoughts/critiques!!

Postby WhatSarahSaid » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:54 pm

PM'ed.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Final PS draft. Pls give me your final thoughts/critiques!!

Postby CanadianWolf » Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:02 pm

Pretty good, except for the last two sentences of your essay.

CONSIDER DELETING: "...a school whose program is exceptional...".

"Having experienced working in two different careers" doesn't make sense unless you have been working for over twenty or thirty years.
CONSIDER: "occupations" instead of "careers".

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lalalawya
Posts: 321
Joined: Mon Oct 04, 2010 2:34 pm

Re: Final PS draft. Pls give me your final thoughts/critiques!!

Postby lalalawya » Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:49 pm

Thank you so much for both of your comments. If you guys are applying this cycle, GOOD LUCK! If not, thanks for your help. :)




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