Feedback needed - 2nd draft of PS

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nataliejane38
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Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:19 pm

Feedback needed - 2nd draft of PS

Postby nataliejane38 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:12 pm

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Last edited by nataliejane38 on Sun Oct 24, 2010 9:14 am, edited 3 times in total.

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Feedback needed - 2nd draft of PS

Postby CanadianWolf » Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:52 pm

This is probably as good as it gets in terms of personal statements. Clearly & concisely written. Sincere, convincing & informative.

P.S. "relatives'", not "relative's" ?

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lalalawya
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Re: Feedback needed - 2nd draft of PS

Postby lalalawya » Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:17 pm

This is amazing. Have you ever seen the movie "Homeless to Harvard?" It can probably be about you :). No, but really, I liked the last paragraph especially. It helps present you in a way that shows your appreciation for your past experiences and not your disdain. It is a very powerful statement and one I am sure adcomms will love. Good luck!

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Dustin.
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Re: Feedback needed - 2nd draft of PS

Postby Dustin. » Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:32 pm

nataliejane38 wrote:Going to law school in order to become a lawyer will fulfill my dedication to public interest law and to serving the underprivileged and underrepresented population whose experiences I am in a unique position to relate to.


Doesn't sound quite right to me ... might want to consider rephrasing the last bit of it.

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nataliejane38
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Re: Feedback needed - 2nd draft of PS

Postby nataliejane38 » Sun Oct 17, 2010 6:55 pm

Thanks so much for the feedback. I'll have to check out Homeless to Harvard, I've never heard of it. :) And I think I will try and revise that last sentence, I struggled with it a little bit and it's still not quite right. Thanks!

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nataliejane38
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Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2010 10:19 pm

Re: Feedback needed - 2nd draft of PS

Postby nataliejane38 » Sat Oct 23, 2010 10:16 pm

Still revising, will repost later.




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